The Wolfette
by gleek2
Summary: Parker Billings, Doug's twin and long time best friend of the three has come back to the world, finally. Now she's on her brother's bachelor party with the guy that knocked her up in high school. Great. Will things be recooperated, or will all fail?
1. Hit it up

Chapter One: Hit it up

"_**Hey, this is Doug, sorry I'm not here right now. If you could leave your name, number and a brief message, I'll get back to you."**_

"_**Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't- but do me a favor, don't text me, it's gay."**_

"_**Hello, you've reach Dr. Stuart Price Divine Dentistry, sorry I can't pick up the phone…"**_

"_**Hola! This is Parker, and you've reached my voicemail. Sorry I couldn't pick up, but I'll try and call back if I can. And Tracy, if this is you, it's all your fault."**_

"**Hello?"**

"**Tracy. It's Phil."**

"**Phil, where the hell are you guys?"**

"**We fucked up."**

"**What do you mean?"**

" **The whole bachelor party, it got out of control." he paused. "We can't find Doug."**

"**What do you mean you can't find him?"**

"**He's missing."**

"**Phil, we get married in ****five**** hours!"**

"**Yeah, that's not gonna happen."**

* * *

><p>This all started because of her, Tracy. You see, she was getting married to my childhood best friend and twin, Doug Billings. I was her Maid of Honor. I haven't seen Stu…or even Phil for over seven years, and I was their best friend in middle through high school…and I kind of dated Phil…and he got me pregnant. Being asked randomly to go on their bachelor party…very weird.<p>

"Come on, do this for me!" said Tracy, following after me. I sighed and turned around.

"Why, so that Phil can fucking knock me up again? No thank you." I replied, walking away. She grabbed my arm and turned me around.

"Listen, I know Phil can be an ass a lot of the time, but I want you to watch over Alan. You don't even have to party with them. Just make sure Phil doesn't do anything and watch over Alan. That's it. Parker, do this for me." she asked, not letting my arm go. I sighed.

"I think I don't really have a choice in the matter. Alright, when is it?" I asked, ripping my arm out of her hand. She squealed and clapped her hands.

"Doug and Alan are leaving in about fifteen minutes." she replied. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Umm…" I began, but she stopped me in mid sentence.

"I already packed for you." she said, motioning for me to follow her up the stairs. It figures, she knows she can get me to do anything. I followed her up into her room and saw a fully packed suitcase. "See?"

"Yep. Awesome. Alright, I'll go downstairs." I said, walked out the door. "Just letting you know, if anything happens to me…it's your fault." I added, turning around and giving her my best serious face. She laughed at me.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll pick Emily up from school and tell her that your on a trip." she screamed after me. I yelled "Okay" and trudged down the stairs to her garage, where Sid was handing over the keys to his Mustang to Doug. Man, that car. I wanted it so bad! Alan was being frenched by a dog…looked like a Great Dane. When Sid saw me, he waved.

"Hello Parker! How are yah?" he asked in a Sid-ish way. I smiled and shrugged.

"Just got the 'news' you were telling me about. I can't wait!" I said with fake enthusiasm. He laughed.

"Just watch over them." he said, walking away. I smiled and walked over to Doug. He gave me a weird look.

"Parker? You ready?" he asked, obviously confused. I smiled and laughed.

"Wassup Dougie?" I asked, smiling. He looked at me, then pulled me into a hug.

"How's Emily?" he asked, trying to catch up on my life. I gave him a look.

"To much like Phil, but good. Actually, she's a lot like both of us." I replied, opening the trunk and plopping my bag in. When I turned around, he was smirking at me.

"You and Phil are too much alike, Parker." he replied, throwing his own bag in. "Come on, Alan! Let's hit the rode!"

* * *

><p>Now to get Phil, oh the fucking man whore. When we pulled up to a school, I about laughed.<p>

"He teaches?" I asked to the air. Doug laughed, but Alan looked…well…NonAlanish.

"Do you have to park so close?" he asked, hand on his head, sliding down the seat. Doug looked back at me, and I shrugged.

"Yes, why?" questioned Doug, obviously confused. Alan shrunk down more.

"I shouldn't be here. I'm not aloud to be within 200 feet of a school." he began, scratching his beard. My mouth opened into a large O.

"What?" asked Doug. He was shocked.

"Or a Chuck'E'Cheese." he finished awkwardly. I tried to hide my laugh under my breath, but it went out. Doug turned and glared at me, mumbling something about how Phil and I were so similar. YEAH RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER! Similar my ass.

Finally, after so much waiting he came out. Aviators and all. Damn, he looked fine! Phil grew up…now he was more sexy. Wait…what?

"Mr. Wenneck…" began a kid, following Phil. Phil kept walking, obviously trying to avoid him.

"It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you, you don't exist." he said walking up to the car. He looked at it and whistled. "Damn, nice car. I'm driving." He threw his bag at me and climbed into the car, with Doug complaining of course. He looked over to where I was sitting and cocked an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked, trying not to be all…meish. He laughed and pulled me into a hug.

"Holy Shit. Parker Billings. I swear I would've never seen you again…since…high school." he said awkwardly. Um…HELL YEAH!

"Blame Tracy, and yes, Emily's fine." I replied, answering the already expected. Phil nodded and looked at Alan.

"Who's this?" he asked, pointing towards Alan. Doug sighed.

"Alan, Tracy's brother." he replied, starting the car up again.

Alan looked back at Phil, "I've met you like four times."

"Oh yeah. How've you been man?"

* * *

><p>Now for the final piece, Stuart Price. Aha…I missed picking on him. When we rolled up to the house, after waiting five seconds, Phil thought it would be good to get his attention.<p>

Cupping his hands on the sides of his mouth, he screamed, "Paging Dr. Faggot!" I laughed as he paused. "Dr. Faggot!"(A/N: Okay…Dr. Faggot has a better ring than Dr. Douche bag, just saying) A few seconds later, Stu came out with the lingering figure of…her. Melissa. She fucked my boyfriend last June.

"God, I was just covering for you," he began, putting his things into the trunk. He slid into the car and looked at me. "Hey Parker." he said, not even realizing who I was. He did a double take.

"Hey Stuart." I smirked. He laughed and pulled my into a hug.

"PARKER! How've you been buddy?" he asked. I smiled and shrugged.

"The usual. I got my doctoring permit last June and celebrated on a cruise! OH! By the way, your devil spawn girlfriend totally fucked my ex. He was a bartender on a cruise." I stated as Doug pulled away from the house. "And Em's fine."

"Wait…what?" he asked, confused. Phil started laughing his head off, obviously amused by my outburst. "Are you pregnant again or something, because you weren't this mean until…OW!" he exclaimed at me. I hit him…hard. I shrugged.

"Don't mess with a used-to-be-pregnant lady." I muttered as we made it on the innerstate.

* * *

><p>"WHOO! ROAD TRIP!" screamed Alan, waving his face in the air like a dog. I couldn't help but snicker, he was so funny! I loved this guy! He looked at a little girl in the car next to us. "YEAH! VEGAS BABY!" She flipped him off, and he sat down…sad and feeling disused. I laughed, stealing the beer out of Phil's hand and taking a sip.<p>

"Oh come on! Let me drive. Everyone's passing us." said Phil, whining. I flicked him for whining.

"No, I'm not letting you touch this car. Especially after what you did to Parker's a few years back in high school." replied Alan, keeping his eyes on the road. I laughed.

"HEY! That was one time! And I was driving her to pick her up from the doctor's office!" he shouted back, pissed. I smirked.

"Whatever. Alan, please explain to them about the car." asked Doug, still eyeing the road.

"My dad loves this car more than he loves me." he said. I felt my heart drop.

"Whatever man! I'm leaving my wife and kid at home to go on this trip!" stated Phil. I laughed at his expression. Alan commented on how sweet it was. "Are you kidding? I fucking hate my life, and I'm going through a divorce. I would stay in Vegas if I could."

"Here we go." muttered Doug. I snickered, hiding the laugh under my breath as best I could. Stu rolled his eyes, while Alan looked very into a book he was reading.

"Alright, it says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?" asked Alan. He was obviously reading about Blackjack.

"Alan, Tracy said no gambling. And plus, it sounds like you want to count cards! That's fucking illegal." I replied, stealing the book from him and looking at the title. Doug nodded.

"And you have to be smart to do it." he added, finishing my statement. I guess finishing statements was a twin thing. I nodded at that. I'm sorry…but to me…Alan was a fucking moron.

"Well it's not illegal, it's frowned upon. Like masturbating on a plane. And plus it's a foul proof system." he retorted, being completely serious. Phil and Stu looked at each other.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too." said Phil, giving Alan a confused look. I laughed under my breath.

"Well after 9/11, everyone got sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden." he paused. "And besides, Rain Man basically bank rupt a casino and he was a ruhtard." stated Alan, proudly. He looked back into his book.

"Retard." corrected Doug. I laughed, fully out now. Oh how this was going to be interesting.

* * *

><p>We had to stop for gas…it would be like Doug to not get gas before we left. Alan was filling the car up while we were getting stuff to eat. I had a bottle of peach ice tea and a bag of lifesavers gummies. Phil munched on a bay of Lays while Stu talked to Melissa…THE FUCKING DEVIL…while looking around for water. Phil was watching Alan yell at an old man.<p>

"What a nice car you've got there." said the man, checking out the car. Alan glared at the old man and shifted his body weight.

"Don't look at the car. Don't even think about it, you know what? Don't even look at me." he said, shooing the man away. The old man walked away, giving Alan a look of confusion. "That's right…walk away. I'm not afraid to hit an old man in public." I laughed at Alan, so confused on how he, a man that looked as if two turkeys were shoved up his stomach(A/N: GAG REEL!), could be so threatening to other people.

"He's pretty funny. Is he all there…like mentally?" asked Phil to Doug. Doug gave him a sideways glance.

"Yeah, he is. He's just a little odd. A little weird." replied Doug, throwing something on the counter. I put my iced tea and lifesavers down.

"Alan can be…interesting at times. I'm just warning you now." I added as I put my stuff down. Phil gave me a look.

"And you would know this?" he asked, scratching his chin. I shrugged.

"Well, after high school I went to college with Tracy, and we became instant friends. I was also in college with that bitch Stu calls his girlfriend. And besides, Trace said we have to watch over him." I replied, slipping him a weak smile. Doug nodded.

"Yep, she said we shouldn't let him gamble or drink to much." stated Doug, throwing us the obvious. Phil sighed.

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit." he added, running his left hand through his hair…his sexy-no wait! I'm doing it again. Stu came and placed a water on the counter.

"And one water." he said, throwing his phone back in his pocket. I glared and rolled my eyes.

"So how's the devil?" I asked, poking his side. He shrugged me off and eyed my with annoyance.

"She think's we're two hours out of wine country…and she doesn't know you're here. So, Melissa is good." he said, glaring at me. The cashier, who looked very annoyed, rung up our items. The total price was 32.50. I looked at Stu.

" 32.50, you got this man?" asked Phil, grabbing his chips and walking outside. I glared at him and slipped in a twenty for good measure.

* * *

><p>After so many hour of unwanted driving, we finally made it to Casers' Palace in Vegas. We walked in, Alan with his…purse thing…and me with my suitcase that Tracy packed. We headed to the front desk to see a lady named Lisa, she was the front desk person.<p>

"Can I help you?" she asked, obviously not taken up with us. Stu looked at her and smiled.

"Yes, we have reservations under Dr. Price." he said, trying to impress. I rolled my eyes and sat on my suitcase.

"Let me just get that for you." she replied, scrolling through the database. Phil gave Stu a weird look.

"Dr. Price? Dude, you a dentist, don't try and get all fancy. He's a dentist, so if anyone get's hurt, you should call 911." he replied, looking at the girl. I rolled my eyes.

"Umm…hello?" I piped in, catching his attention. Phil turned around and laughed.

"Unless you have my friend here, who actually is a doctor." he added, winking at me. I rolled my eyes, once again, and stood up.

"I'll be sure to do that. It says that you guys have a two bed room on the eighth floor." she said, looking back up at us. Doug smiled and nodded.

"That should be fine. Right guys?" he asked. Phil shook his head.

"Well if we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Phil. You cool with that?" asked Alan, giving Phil a serious look. Now he looked uncomfortable.

"No, I'm not cool with that. What are we, twelve?" he began. He looked at Lisa's name tag. "Look, Lisa, do you have any villas available?"

"We have one that is available for forty-two hundred a night." she replied. Phil smiled.

"Is it awesome?" asked Alan, confused. She gave him a 'duh' look.

"It's pretty awesome." she replied.

"Does it have toilets?" he asked(A/N: see the gag reel and outtakes to see that :D), still serious. I snickered.

"Yes, it does." she replied, giving him a 'WTF' glance.

"We'll take it." replied Phil, glancing at Alan to see if he would be anymore random.

"No, you don't have-" began Doug, but I cut in…finally.

"Yes we do. Now come on! This is like…your last night…with your buddies. COME ON DOUG! Live it up!" I said, putting my hands on his shoulders and shaking him.

"Fine then." he replied, budging. I smiled a smile of triumph and looked at Stu, evilly.

"You're the doctor, give your card." I said, smirking. Stu looked at me and began to freak out.

"What? No…Melissa checks my statements." he replied, still freaking out. I laughed.

"Another reason why she's a bitch." I mumbled. Phil heard me and laughed.

"We won't charge you until you check out." said Lisa, obviously done with us. Stu nodded and gave her the credit card. She handed it back and gave us two keycards. I took one, Phil the other, and we headed up to our room.

* * *

><p>"Holy Shit! Look at this place!" said Phil, walking in. I came in, last, and looked around.<p>

"Jesus! This place is amazing." I agreed. We looked at each other.

"Alright, pick a room and get ready ladies. Meet out here in thirty minutes, you hear that Parker? Thirty minutes." said Phil annoyingly. I flipped him off and went to the room far off to the left and slammed the door. I threw my suitcase on the bed and unzipped it.

In it were: my Maid of Honor Dress and matching shoes, two pairs of my favorite skinny jeans, a picture of Godzilla attacking a town(all cartoonish) on a shirt, my black four inch gladiator heels, a white and black mini dress, and a black sleeveless cocktail dress that went to midthigh. Tracy did really pack this bag…and stole my heels.

I decided to wear the white and black dress and heels, so I threw them on my bed. Walking into the bathroom and looking at myself, I noticed my hair was a mess. I went back to my bag and searched for a curler. I found one, of course. Trace would pack me a fucking curler. In ten of the thirty minutes, I finished my hair and went onto my makeup. I applied a smoky eye with a touch of red in my lips. Staring into the mirror, I felt satisfied.

After I put on my dress and shoes, I noticed how hot I looked in it. Tracy might have had some superior motive for me going on this trip. Feeling everything was good, I walked to Stu's room and leaned against the open door frame.

Stu was talking to the bitch on the phone in his boxer briefs, while Phil was lounged on his bed and Doug was standing near the door. When I came into view, Phil whistled.

"Well isn't someone looking sexy?" asked Phil, a smirk written on his face. I shot him a glare and rolled my eyes.

"Shut it, Phil." I growled, still leaned against the wall. He smirked even more then turned his attention to Stu who asked for it. Doug winked at me, noticing how stunning his twin was looking.

"Where's Alan?" he asked, looking around to look for the weirdo. I shrugged and pointed outside.

"He's out to get some…things." replied Doug, putting emphasis on the word 'things'. I laughed and shook my head. Ah, that weirdo.

"Good, because I have to show you something." he replied, doing a few awkward poses with each word. He pulled out something I recognized to be a ring box. Oh SHIT NO!

"What is that?" growled/asked Phil. He looked like he was about to hit Stu, who gave him a 'duh' look.

"What do you think it is?" asked Stu, waiting for his reply. I rolled my eyes.

"It's a fucking mistake." replied Phil. I nodded in agreement.

"You're gonna marry that whore? Shit, Stu, she fucked my boyfriend." I said, giving him a death glare.

"Yeah…he did fuck a waiter." agreed Phil. Doug hit him playfully on the foot, grabbing his attention.

"It wasn't a waiter, it was a bartender. You know that." chided Doug halfheartedly. Doug hit Phil's foot with a bit of humor.

"I'm going to propose at your wedding." said Stu, talking to Doug and completely ignoring Phil and I. We glanced at each other.

"Well, congrats man!" said Doug, smiling at Stu. He nodded and looked at me and Phil.

"Isn't that your grandma's holocaust ring?" I asked, looking down at the beautiful piece of jewelry. He nodded. "She's not worth it." Phil nodded.

"Hey guys, are you ready to let the dogs out?" asked Alan, completely out of the blue. I looked back at him to see his hand on his hip as he blew his hair out of his face. I smirked.

"What?" asked Phil, confused. Alan gave him a serious look.

"You know, who let the dogs out, hoo, hoo hoo, hoo." sang Alan, dancing a little. I gave Doug and amused glance.

"Yes Alan, we're ready to let the dogs out."

* * *

><p>We were waiting for the elevator to come, and when it dinged I saw an interesting sight. A man, who looked like a pimp, was starring down at his girlfriends crotch, who had a hooker like look to her. I mentally puked.<p>

"We're going up." said the pimp in an accented voice. Phil smiled.

"Perfect, so are we." he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the elevator. Everyone else jumped in. The pimp dude was staring at me, I noticed and obviously so did Phil, because he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side. I smirked and rested my head near his shoulder like I used to do.

When we finally got up to where we need to be, which I would say is on the roof, we need to admire the view. Vegas looks beautiful from up here. Alan was fiddling with something, and turned around with a bottle of Jaegermeister. I smiled.

"Oh, a little Jagermeister action." said Doug, grabbing one of the shot glasses Alan had. We all grabbed one too.

"I would like to make a toast to Tracy and Doug. May this night be a small bump on the way of a long healthy marriage." said Stu, bring his glass to the middle. I followed and brought my glass to his, as did everyone else. We downed the drinks, and I coughed.

"Alright we need to get-" began Phil, but was cut off by Alan.

"I would-I'd like to say some words I've prepared for this night." interrupted Alan, looking at all of us. We nodded.

"How bout that ride in. I guess that's why they call it sin city. Ha ha ha. You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack. Then Tracy introduced to me her buddy in college, Parker, Doug's twin, and she joined my wolfpack, being a wolfette. But when my sister brought Doug home I knew he was one of my own. And my wolfpack, it grew by one. So there were three of us in the wolfpack. I was alone first in the pack and then Doug and Parker, the twins, joined in later. And 6 months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought, 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure that I just added two guys to my wolfpack. Five of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast." he said, pulling out a knife. My eyes went wide as he cut himself. Stu had a freak attack.

"What is he doing?" asked the freaked dentist. I tried to piece together everything in my mind.

"Blood brothers." said Alan simply, giving us another of his serious glances. I smirked. "Here." He tried handing the knife to Stu.

"I am not doing that." he replied. "Make him stop."

Doug sighed, "Alright, hand the knife over. Slowly. Thank you." He took the knife from Alan and chucked it away from us.

"Is he okay?" asked Phil. Doug nodded.

"He's fine."

"Are you alright?" asked Phil to Alan, he nodded his head. "Alright then. Come here buddy." he said motioning for him to come into our huddle.

"Come here crazy." added Stu, no longer having an episode.

"To a night we will never remember, but never forget." said Phil, toasting again. We refilled and downed the drinks, ready to get on our crazy night.


	2. What the hell happened?

Chapter Two: What the hell happened?

It was morning, the sun was shining in making me wake up. I was leaned up against a wall, my head all fuzzy about what happened last night. Opening my eyes, I looked around the room. Holy Shit, it was messed up. Not to mention everything…and I mean everything even the lady parts….hurt.

There was a smoking chair, and behind it the indoor spa was filled with bubbles, beach balls, and an inflatable sex doll. Near it was a huge, and I mean fucking huge, house of cards. It looked like my handy work. Then came the bear bottle castle, and the bowling alley made out of champagne bottles. This room was fucking messed up.

I looked around to look where my accomplices in all this were. Alan was…well nowhere to be seen at the moment. Phil was snuggled up on the floor near the bathroom, with a blanket wrapped carelessly around him. I noticed a few condom wrappers next to Phil. Oh Shit! And the funny thing was…I was really close to him. Stu was laying on the floor, dry blood on the floor near his mouth. I scratched my head and got up, feeling tipsy on my feet. I looked down at what I was wearing: Phil's black shirt from last night. Umm…now I'm concerned. Fucking concerned.

Deciding I felt dirty, I got up and wondered into my room. I reached my room and decided to take a shower, and to try and remember. But before, I looked in the mirror. Hickeys and bite marks went down my neck and almost to my back. I took a pretty long shower, and the guys still weren't up. Ugh, fucking morons. But unfortunately for me, I still couldn't remember. Not feeling like your fucking hungover is good though. I slipped on my essentials, bra and underwear. I could not see the extent of my damage, but I didn't notice anything extreme; I was still loopy. Then my Godzilla shirt and skinny jeans. Slipping Phil's shirt over my own, I trudged back outside and sat on the couch. Stu was now up and awake, looking totally groggy. He didn't even notice me.

Alan finally woke, and he tripped over everything…and when I say everything, I mean everything. He dragged his feet into the other bathroom. I looked at a Monster on the table and took it, taking a sip. It tasted so good in my parched throat.

Screaming about a tiger, Alan ran out of the bathroom and tripped over Phil. He kept pointing towards the bathroom screaming.

"Control yourself man! God Damn would you put on some pants?" groaned Phil, clutching his stomach, a toned stomach I might add. I chuckled as Phil got up, totally disoriented.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" screamed Alan, covering up his…thing…with his shirt. Phil tried to calm Alan down. I noticed his hair was as disoriented as he was.

"Alright, chill. I'll go check it out." he said, trudging towards the bathroom. Alan was still muttering about the tiger. I looked over as Phil shut the door really fast. "Holy fuck. He's not kidding, there's a tiger in there." Phil laughed as he came and sat down on the couch.

"No there's not." groaned Phil, rubbing his face with his hands. I rolled my eyes and took another sip of the energy drink. Phil, after I was done, grabbed it from me and took a sip. I rolled my eyes and lounged on the couch.

"Man, what the hell happened last night?" asked Phil to no one in particular. I shrugged and stole back the Monster.

"Obviously we had a fucking good time, Phil. Look at this place, it's fucking trashed." I replied, reminding them I was there. The three looked at me, confused.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged.

"I woke up with it." I replied. My eyes wondered to Alan, who still had no pants on. Obviously Phil noticed this too.

"Alan, will you go put some fucking pants on? It feels weird that I have to ask you twice." mumbled Phil, putting down the Monster and rubbing his temples. Still lounged, I looked around the whole room…again. I still couldn't believe it.

"This place is a mess, I am so fucking screwed." whined Stu, rubbing his head. I snickered at how ridiculous he was being.

"No, your not. We'll be fine." replied Phil. He and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised as Stu was groaning loudly.

"I am in so much pain!" he groaned. I rolled my eyes. Alan finally came out with a blanket wrapped around his waist. "Hey…am I missing a tooth?" asked Stu. I focused my eyes on his open mouth and instantly began to laugh.

"I don't-Holy shit!" laughed Phil. We were both laughing hysterically. I was clutching my stomach in pain because I was laughing so hard. Stu picked up the nearest object to give of a reflection and screamed.

"My lateral incisor!" he screamed, opening his mouth more to check the damage. I fell off the couch from laughing so hard.

"Alan, go find Doug." commanded, literally, Phil. Alan trudged off to look in all the rooms. I kept laughing at Stu's surprised face.

"STU! CALM DOWN!" I laughed. He glared at me.

"Oh god, what's Melissa going to say?" he whimpered. I regained myself and slid back on the couch. Phil and I glanced at each other.

"Who gives a shit. She'll probably just bitch about it." I replied, retaking my Monster and sipping it. "She _is a bitch." Phil nodded._

"Doug's not in his room." said Alan, coming out and grabbing pizza that was on the couch. I almost threw up.

"Did you just grab couch pizza?" asked Stu, and Alan nodded. Phil smirked. I could tell he was about to say something smart assish…but we all heard a baby cry. I cocked an eyebrow and ran to the noise. Opening the closet, I saw a cute little baby looking up at us. He was wearing all blue.

"Was anybody in the room when you woke up?" asked Phil to me and Alan. We both looked at each other and shook out heads.

"What the hell is a baby doing in here?" asked Stu. I shrugged and picked him up. He was fucking cute! Cradling him, I walked away from everyone and sat back on the couch.

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone?" asked Phil in the background. I could barely here him, all I could focus on was how cute the baby was.

"No." he replied. I heard Stu yell furiously.

"What's it's name?" he asked. I turned my body to glare at him.

"Check it's collar or something." replied Alan. I glared at him now.

"Baby's don't have fucking collars, animals do. Like a fucking tiger! Shit, this is messed up." I stated, standing up with the baby. "And if we're gonna head out on the road, we're taking this baby." Phil groaned and shook his head.

"It'll only slow us down." he replied, shaking his head. I glared at him now.

"He…and there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom. We are taking him along, no matter what the hell you think, Phillip." I retorted, walking towards the door. "And let's go ladies, I want to get on this investigation on a roll." I was acting like a bitch, yes, but I would not leave a baby in the same room as a fucking tiger.

"Can I hold him?" asked Alan, stretching his arms out to hold the baby. I shook my head and slapped his hands away.

"Put on pants first. Then yes, you can hold him." I replied, carrying the baby to the couch. Phil looked pissed, of course, and stormed like a little kid into his room. Alan, slipped on pants and a bay carrier randomly found on the floor. He put the baby in the carrier and walked around proudly.

-/-

"Oh, he's so cute! What's his name?" asked an old lady who unfortunately stepped into the elevator with us. Phil and I glanced at each other.

"Ben." said Phil.

"Carlos." replied Alan proudly. The old lady looked at us as I smiled sweetly at her.

"His name is Carlos, but my boyfriend here," I began, patting Phil on the arm as I grabbed his hand in my other one, "likes to call him Ben for kicks." She nodded and smiled.

"Well, he's a cutie." she replied.

-/-

Stu went off to ask about Doug, while we were eating breakfast. I was satisfied with my Monster, while Phil got an all out breakfast. Alan was feeding breakfast to Carlos.

"Holy shit, this is totally messed up." muttered Phil. I nodded and rolled my head around.

"God, my neck hurts like hell." I said. He reached for my neck and began to rub it.

"Hey, look at this." said Alan, calling our attention. We both looked up, Phil still massaging my neck, and saw Alan mimicking the baby masturbating. I rolled my eyes. "He's jacking his little weenis."

"Pull yourself together man." commanded Phil. Alan pretended to chide the baby for what he was doing.

"Not at the table, baby Carlos." he chided. I sighed and shook my head, Phil still massaging it. I notcied him starring at some woman's ass. I flicked his head.

"What the fuck?" he growled, glaring at me. I shrugged.

"Stop being a fucking pervert." I replied, stretching away from his massage and smiling.

"No one's seen Doug. I checked the front desk, gym, game room…no one's seen him." stated Stu, sitting down with the worst fucking excuse of a ice pack I have ever seen. I rolled my eyes.

"Doug's a grown man, he can take care of himself." replied Phil, reassuring Stu. Alan laughed a little.

"Hey, look what I found in my pocket." he said, holding up a tooth. Phil and I laughed like crazy people.

"THAT'S MY TOOTH!" screamed Stu, grabbing it and caressing it. "This is so fucked up."

"No this is a good thing! Everyone turn out you pockets." said Phil, turning out his own. I checked the shrit pocket to find…a condom wrapper. I threw it on the table and checked my jeans, finding a Kanye West backstage pass.

"I fucking love Kanye West." I muttered, noticing the pass was signed. I checked my back pocket and found Doug's iPod with a camera. "And I found Doug's iPod."

"I found a receipt for over 800 dollars, I am so screwed!" screamed Stu.

"I got a valet ticket for 5:15 am." said Alan, throwing it on the table. I shook my head.

"We were driving?" asked Phil. I gave him a 'fucking duh' look.

"Hah, drunk driving, classic! Hey Stu! Look at this!" said Alan, pointing towards baby Carlos again. He was a fucking moron. Baby's can't masturbate! Trust me! I studied it! I rolled my eyes, but noticed something on Phil's arm.

"Phil, you were in the fucking hospital." I said, reaching over and taking his arm. He shrugged and looked over at the arm that held his.

"And you have a phone number." he retorted. I let go of his sleeve and looked at mine. On it was Kanye West's signature, again, with a phone number under it. Also some dude named Mr. Chow signed my arm. I check the other for good measure and found a series of gashes, bruises, and bite marks. "I think you got in a fight."

"No shit, Sherlock." I mumbled. I looked at his wrist once more and got the hospital name.

"Let's go look at this hospital, maybe they have a lead to last night." I said, standing up and grabbing Doug's credit card and iPod. They agreed.


	3. Hospital visits and fucking cops

Chapter Three: Hospital Visits and Fucking Cops

Holy shit, that was a fucking cop car. We stole a fucking cop car. I smirked as I saw the car pull up, and Stu almost had another freak attack.

"Just act cool." mumbled Phil to us. I smirked at him and took the keys from the valet person.

"Here's you car." he shouted after me as I got in the front passenger seat and threw Phil the keys. He stepped into the driver's seat and caught the keys. Stu and Alan went for the back, with the baby, of course not before hitting the baby.

"Are you sure your qualified to be around that baby?" asked Stu, fully concerned about the young one. Alan gave him a serious look.

"I've found a baby before." he replied, opening the door. He hit the baby square in the face, and it began to cry.

"Oh my God!" freaked Stu, checking to see if the baby was okay. Stu looked at him.

"Your glasses are fine, dick." he replied, getting into the car. Alan followed his actions, and strapped Carlos into the seat next to him. Phil drove off.

* * *

><p>Traffic was fucking horrid. I fucking swear, we have to get out of this traffic!<p>

"Phil…" I began, looking at him. He looked over at me. "Do it…now." He smiled, because he knew exactly what I was talking about. We were in a fucking police car, who wouldn't use it towards their advantage.

"Phil, don't grab their attention." whined Stu. He better not whine this whole trip, or I will rip his fucking head off. Phil, doing the complete opposite of Stu and leaning towards my advice, put on the sirens and picked up the comm.

"Attention, Attention!" he said, driving onto the sidewalk. I laughed as people moved out of the way. "Please move out of the way! I repeat, move out of the way!" People moved out of the way, left and right. "Ma'm, in the leopard dress," he began, starring at a model or stripper, i think stripper, "you have an amazing rack." she smiled and waved his way. I flipped her off and flicked his head as he said, "I should've been a fucking cop!"

* * *

><p>With Phil's police work, we finally made it to the hospital. The annoying as fuck doctor was talking to the guys as I was hold Carlos outside. A nurse was eyeing me.<p>

"Can I help you?" I asked. She nodded her head and laughed.

"You beat up some crazy chick in here, yesterday. She's got a broken arm and a few cracked ribs! Girl, you got some tude!" she said, using her accent to put emphasis on words. I laughed and smiled.

"Thank you, I am very good at beating up crazy people. Did she call be a bitch?" I asked, the nurse nodded. "That's why, I never liked being called a bitch." She laughed at me and went back to her paperwork. The guys came out with the ass of a doctor.

"Alright, you came in with some minor injuries to you stomach, no big deal. A minor concussion. But I decided to take a blood test, and all of you were hyped up on Ruphelyn." said the doctor. My mouth shot open.

"Ruphelyn?" asked Phil, completely surprised. I stood up with Carlos and came next to him.

"Yah know, Ruphies, the date rape drug. Makes you absolutely forget everything that happened." I stated for the doctor. He looked at me with a pissed expression.

"Yeah. You guys also said that there was some big wedding going on at Big Little's Chapel." he added, rummaging his hands through Phil's file. We both looked at each other.

"And where would that be?" asked Phil. The doctor gave him a 'fuck off' look.

"It's at get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. And this bitch of a girlfriend pissed me off last night." he replied, pointing towards me. I growled and put Carlos back in Alan's protector thing.

"Listen, whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is, I was pregnant once and I can recall my blinding hate for my buddy here on you if you don't fucking tell us where the chapel is." I said with the calmest tone to my voice. He glared at me.

"Go get a fucking map." he replied. I shrugged, noticing a hundred dollar bill in his pocket. I stole it as we walked out, and we headed towards the chapel.

* * *

><p>"What if they don't remember us?" asked Stu as we walked towards the entrance of the chapel. It had a cheesy arrangement like any other Vegas chapel.<p>

"They better." I replied, walking in. A girl with black hair was sitting at the front desk, arguing with a man with a heavy Italian accent. They both turned our attention towards us.

"Well if it isn't my favorite people! Come back to see Eddy, eh?" he asked, running up to us. He hugged each of us. He pointed to me, "You crazy bitch! You are such the great performer!" I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked. He smiled at me.

"You and that man…Kanye West, are a fucking good singing group. Yeah! Totally got you two to sing at his reception!" said Eddy, pointing towards Stu. "Now this guy, is a fucking crazy bastard." He pointed towards Stu. I laughed.

"Him?" asked Phil, almost laughing. Alan was smiling giddily.

"Um, do you guys to marriages here?" asked Alan. Eddy looked at Alan like he was stupid.

"Sure! We had one last night!" he said, running back to the counter, motioning us to come closer. As we did, he pulled out a huge box of stuff. "The deluxe package, filled with pictures, mugs and hats."

"Congrats Stu, you got married!" said Alan, pointing towards Stu in the picture hold a woman's leg in his arm. She looked like a stripper, but had an amazingly beautiful dress on. I smiled to see how happy Stu was for a change.

"Oh my god! Melissa is going to freak!" he stated, throwing his hands in the air. Phil patted his shoulder.

"Bro, you look fucking happy! And she's so out of your league! Be happy!" I said, patting the other shoulder. Phil nodded in approval. We all looked through the photo album, laughing at the pictures of us drunk and all Ruffilined up. There were a few pictures where me and Phil were making out in the background…we didn't laugh at those.

"Do you do annulments here?" asked Phil after looking at the album. I knew this was coming.

"Yes. Breaks my heart though. You have to have both parties here to finalize it." Eddy said, clutching his heart as he spoke. Phil and I glanced at each other.

"Do you have any idea where she lives?" I asked, leaning forward on the counter. He nodded his head and yelled at the woman.

"Here name is Jade." he said as he got the file. "She's beautiful, blonde, and got tits like this." he said, cupping the air. I rolled my eyes. A pervert, of course. I grabbed the file and looked at the address. Thank you, oh doctoring memory. You have saved me so many fucking times expect for now.

We hopped into the car, ready to go, but Melissa just had to call.

"Hi, Honey. We're just about to go on a hay bail ride!" he said with fake enthusiasm. I heard bitching from the other line, but something drew my attention. A black Escalade pulled up and two Italian mobsters came out.

"Where is he?" asked the one closest to the door. We all began to freak out.

"That's the driver honey. No, there's not a baby…it's a goat." said Stu into the receiver. The mob guy looked at all of us, and shot a gun. Eddy came out to see the trouble.

"Hey, get off my-" he began, but was shot instead. I almost freaked.

"YOU SHOT EDDY!" I screamed.

"No, that's not a girl in the background. Alright I got to go, bye!" screamed Stu as we took off. Eddy clutched his chest and I breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

><p>I knocked on the door of the address given to us. We waited around, people glancing at us. One guy checked me out, and Phil hastily threw his arm around my waist and glared at the dude. The door finally opened to reveal the lady from the pictures. She squeal.<p>

"TYLER! Oh how I missed you!" she said, taking the baby from Alan's baby sack. She turned to Stu. "And how I missed you." She planted one on him, furiously locking lips with him. Phil and I tried not to laugh at Stu's expression.

"His name is Tyler?" asked Alan. Phil patted his back.

"I thought he looked like a Carlos too, bro." he comforted. We walked in and sat on the couch.

"What's the matter with you guys? You seem so…not you!" she exclaimed as she got us lemonade. I took a sip and noticed it was delicious. Fucking delicious.

"We don't really remember anything, Jade. Could you maybe, refill us on all the crazy shit we did last night?" I asked with my sweetest voice possible. Stu and Phil turned their heads, noticing how nice I was being.

"Well, we had the wedding. Might I add that you were the Maid of Honor and Phil was the Best Man. You guys are very fond of each other." she stated, smiling. Phil and I glanced at one another.

"Was Doug there?" I asked, scratching my chin. I leaned back with my lemonade in hand, and Phil put his arm around me. It seemed natural of us to do, so I ignored it.

"Well yeah! I mean, he was there. You all disappeared after the wedding, then I found you in your apartment and I snuggled up with Stu." she exclaimed as she began to breast feed Carlos…er…Tyler. We all, except Alan, turned our heads.

"And what exactly do you do?" asked Stu, stilling sipping the lemonade. She gave him a 'you dumbass' look and laughed.

"I'm a stripper! Duh! Well, technically escort, but stripping is a great way to meet the clients." she laughed, still breast feeding Tyler. My mouth fell agape. Stu was about to say something, but spit out his lemonade on Tyler, making him cry. Jade went to go clean him up.

"What the fuck is you deal man?" I asked him when she got out of hearing distance. He glanced at me ad glared.

"She's got on my grandmother's holocaust ring!" screamed/whispered Stu. I rolled my eyes while Phil sighed.

"I didn't know they gave out rings in the holocaust!" exclaimed Alan, excited. I rolled my eyes once again and noted Jade coming back into the room. I was about to talk…and I was totally interrupted.

"FREEZE! VEGAS POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" screamed the male, pointing his gun at the four of us. "AND SHUT THAT BABY UP!" We all reacted in screams of "Oh my God." and "We didn't do anything!"

* * *

><p>"Phil, this is all your fault." I muttered as we sat in the interrogation room. I rolled my eyes as Phil glared at me. For one, there was a field trip going through her. A fucking fat kid already snapped a picture of us. Finally, the two cops that got us came in.<p>

"I see guys like you every fucking day. But not ladies." said the male.

"Every fucking day!" repeated the lady. I rolled my eyes, cops were so not intimidating to me.

"Yeah, let's go to Vegas and get really fucked up!"

"WOOOOOOOO!"

"Let's steal a cop car cause it's really fucking funny!"

"Oh no!"

"We found your car, by the way." said the male cop after his…interesting…descriptions. My mouth fell wide open.

"You found the fucking Mercedes?" I asked, wiggles my hands that were cuffed behind me. They both looked at me and nodded.

"Yeah, we did. It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Bld with a noted saying 'We couldn't find a meter, but here's four bucks.'" replied the cop. I sighed and shook my head, realizing how really fucked up we were. Phil's eyes raised suspiciously.

"Okay, so when would this whole thing be taken care of?" he asked, motioning his head towards the whole situation. The cops looked at each other.

"We can't take you to court until Monday." said the male cop. I groaned and slid down in my chair.

"There's a wedding tomorrow!" I screamed, still sliding. The two looked at me."Okay, listen. We don't have time to go to jail, and you guys don't want to get made fun of by your buddies for you car getting stolen from a bunch of tourists. So can we make a deal?" asked Phil. The cops smirked at each other. This did not look good.

* * *

><p>FUCK YOU PHIL! FUCK YOU PHILLIP FUCKING WENNECK! I hate stun guns…always have…always will.<p>

"You're in for a real treat today - these kind gentlemen…and lady… have volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used. There's two ways to do it - up close and personal," he began, tasing Stu, "or from up far away. Who wants to try?" asked the cop. All the kids raised their hands. I even raised mine, I was fucking pissed at Phil. The cop picked a little girl with blonde braids in her hair.

"Alright, come up here, hansom." said the cop. Alan, obviously thought he was being called, began to walk up. "Not you fat Jesus. Pretty boy." said the cop. Phil, reluctantly, went up. "Now it's real easy just point, aim and shoot."

The little girl looked up at Phil, looking deep into his eyes. Even thought Phil was a dick, he always had a appeal with children that touched my heart. The little girl shook her head and sat back down. I cleared my throat and got the cops attention.

"I'll do it." I said, smirking. I saw Phil's eyes go wide. The cop smirked and me and nodded.

"We'll have this kind lady show us how to do it! Kids, get ready for this." he said, unlocking my cuffs. I rubbed my wrists and got the stun gun, glaring at Phil. This was for knocking me up.

"You don't want to do this." said Phil.

"Just focus." said the cop.

"Don't listen to him, Billings. You don't want to do this."

"FINISH HIM!" screamed the cop. I smirked evilly and stunned Phil…right in the balls. The cops began to laugh, and I laughed as well.

"Right in the nuts, that was beautiful! We got one more charge left, anyone want to do some shooting?" asked the cop. Many kids now raised their hands. I smirked as the same fat kid that snapped a picture of us, came and took the gun. The lady cop nodded approvingly at me and patted my shoulder. "Same instructions just point, aim, and shoot. I love this - the focus, the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're going with 50,000 volts big man, do not be afraid to ride the lightning." The kid starred at Alan, and stunned him…in the fucking face.

"IN THE FACE!" screamed the male cop. I had to try and not to laugh. Alan didn't go down, and began to scare the kids, but the man cop stunned him in the neck. "Sorry kids, sometimes it take two turns to get the big ones down." Now…I actually think I like stun guns. Might keep one on me.

* * *

><p>I absolutely love Vegas cops now. The lady cop gave me a lollipop, and I fucking love lollipops. The guys were groaning while we waited for the car.<p>

"FUCK THOSE FUCKING COPS! I HATE THEM! WHO CARES WHAT THEY FUCKING SAY! THEY TASERED US! I'M GOING TO TELL EVERYONE WE STOLE A FUCING COP CAR!" screamed Stu. I laughed a bit.

"I liked them." I commented. Both Phil and Stu gaped at me. "Hey I got my pregnancy anger out." I shrugged and laughed more.

"I'm going to get a soda, you guys want one." asked Stu, now calm. We all said no, and crazy walked away. Phil, pissed that I stunned him, came up to me.

"What the fuck, Parker! You fucking stunned me." he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"I went through fucking labor! You can be fucking tased in the dick for once in your life and live!" I screeched back. We were about five inches apart, no shit. I smelled his cologne, and it smelled like the normal him…sexy.

"YOU FUCKING STUNNED ME! It's not cool!" he shouted, I scoffed again.

"Jesus, Phil! I could fucking care less." I retorted, turning away from him and about to stalk off. But before I could, he turned me around and planted one on me. I almost froze in place as he kissed me, and I inevitably kissed back. It was as fierce as our first kiss.

"Never, and I mean, never, do that to me again." he mumbled huskily when we pulled apart. I smirked at him and shrugged.

"No promises." I replied, wrapping my arms around him and smiling. The car pulled up, finally. It wasn't damaged at all. "YES! It's okay!" I screeched. We all walked up to it, Stu with his soda, and got into the lovely car awaiting our return.


	4. Meeting Mr Chow and Tyson

Chapter Four: Meeting the Incredulous Mr. Chow... and Mike Tyson

We were driving and jamming to the radio, when Alan decided he'd show us his new found treasure.

"Hey look!" said Alan, flicking a used condom up at Stu. I laughed hysterically as Stu flung it back, muttering about how fucking gross it was. Alan then threw it back at Stu, who threw it at Phil.

"Agh! I've got jizz on me." said Phil, pulling over and rolling down the window. "Fuck." he exclaimed as he threw the wrapped out the window. I was still laughing, and noted that it never touched me. "What the hell Alan." Alan and I were both laughing, and even got the two uptight prisses to laugh also. But suddenly, banging came from the trunk.

"We locked Doug in the trunk!" exclaimed Phil, cutting the gas and taking out the keys. He and Stu began to freak out, and we all got out of the car.

"UNLOCK THE TRUNK!" commanded Stu hastily. I was jumping up and down, waiting for our groom to finally be found. When Phil unlocked the trunk, instead of finding Doug, a naked Asian man jumped out with a crow bar onto Phil. We all flipped out as he took down Phil. He hit me square in the small of my back…and I was down.

He turned to Stu and started hitting him in the back, knocking him over. My back hurt so fucking much, and I don't think my Godzilla shirt was helping much. It was Alan's turn.

"You wanna fuck on me?" asked the man, twirling the crow bar. Alan back up his hands in the air.

"Nobodies gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I'm on your side! I don't like Godzilla either! He destroys cites! PLEASE! This isn't your fault! I'll get you some pants!" screamed Alan, but the man hit him anyways. He ran off, fast I might say. That little man's ass could run!

We all pulled our weight over to the car. I leaned up against Phil, resting my head on his stomach, ignoring his complaints.

"Who was that guy? He was so mean!" said Phil, his voice raising from the hurt. I groaned and rolled over, ready to finally retire from today's fucking madness. Oh shit, the wedding was tomorrow.

-/-

We decided to go back to the hotel, after a half-an-hour of me complaining of course. Phil's arm was wrapped tightly around me as we walked up to the room. Stu's eyebrow raised, but he didn't say anything. When we walked in, we heard music.

"Did we leave the music on?" asked Alan, completely oblivious to his surroundings. I rolled my eyes and walked ahead of them all.

"Just shut up and be quiet." whispered Phil, walking in after me. When we walked in, I walked into a black guy with a black fedora on.

"Who the hell are you?" me and Phil screamed together. I made some kung fu stances and put my hands up. The man looked at us.

"Nah, who the hell are you?" he asked, putting his fists up. Oh I was ready to get into a fight. We glared at each other, until a voice caught our attention.

"Shh! This is my favorite part!" said a strange voice. We all turned to look at the man. Holy Fuck…Mike Tyson.

"Mike Tyson?" asked Phil, completely confused as me. He shushed us all and began to mimic the drum solo for the song. He began to sing. I recognized the song and began to sing to. We all sang together, until Tyson punched Alan.

"HOLY FUCK YOU PUNCHED ALAN!" I screamed, bending down to see if he was okay. I'm not even afraid to cuss at Mike Tyson, but he completely ignored me.

"Would you mind telling me why my tiger's in you hotel room?" he asked, turning off the music. I helped Alan up and glared at the celebrity. I would totally get into a fucking fight with Mike Tyson, right here…right now. I would probably lose, but who gives a shit. He punched Alan.

"That's you tiger?" I asked, pointing towards the bathroom. He nodded.

"I want him back." he stated, glaring at each of us.

"Okay, let me start out by saying I'm a huge fan! When you-" began Phil.

"Cut the bullshit, man! He wants his fucking tiger back, don't go sucking up to him!" I almost screeched at Phil. He glared at me and rolled his eyes.

"Listen, I want my tiger back." said Tyson, agreeing with me. He and his body guard began to walk out. Hah, like Mike Tyson needed a fucking body guard.

"Wait, you're not going to take it him now?" asked Phil, turning around and looking at the wrestler like he was crazy. The bodyguard shrugged.

"You brought him here, you bring him back. Plus, we ain't risking our car!" he said, walking out. Tyson was about to walk out, but turned around and looked at us.

"Don't make me come back for him." he added, turning around and slamming the door. I sighed and dropped to the couch.

"How the hell do we get a tiger out of a fucking bathroom?" I asked, looking at the geniuses in front of me. Phil sat down next to me and slid his arm around my waist and shrugged.

"Hey Alan, do you still have some of those roofies with you?" asked Stu, getting an idea. I smiled and nodded my head.

* * *

><p>We stood around a huge T-bone steak with roofies shoved in it. Alan was peppering the steak like a pro.<p>

"Alan, are you sure we should put pepper on that?" asked Stu, glancing curiously down at our creation. Alan smiled and nodded.

"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon." he replied, finishing the last of his peppering. Since I got to stun Phil, it was my job to throw the tiger the steak.

I sneaked into the bathroom and looked in. The tiger was starring at me with beautiful green eyes. I almost heard it purr when it saw me. I smiled and threw the animal the steak, closing the door softly. I walked to the wall Phil was leaning against and wrapped my arms around his waist. He put an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. Stu was at the piano, singing.

_What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze_

_do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her cat woman suit?_

_don't you worry your pretty stripped head we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed_

_ then we're gonna find our best friend Doug and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug_

_ Doug, Oh, Doug Douggie Douggie Doug_

_and if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweekers,_…He paused for a second._ well then we're shit out of luck._

We heard a thump come from the bathroom, and knew it was time to bring Tyson back his tiger.


	5. Mr West and Mr Chowagain

Chapter Five: Mr. West and Mr. Chow...again

After smuggling the tiger to Tyson's house and Phil's sexy body almost being mauled apart, we were finally on the open road again. We saw the video surveillance of us stealing the tiger. Phil literally dry humped him, while I got the tiger in there. Tyson seemed pleased when I got a good reaction out of his tiger.

"Should I call this number?" I asked, starring down at the number. I was sitting in the passenger side while Phil was driving. He nodded.

"Could get us another lead, do it." he replied, throwing me his phone. I dialed the number and waited for the person to pick up.

"Hello?" asked a voice that I almost flipped out over.

"Is this Kanye West?" I asked, scared of what the dude might say. A laugh came from the receiver.

"Yeah, this is. Who is this?" he asked, a smile in his voice. I sighed a sigh of relief that this man wasn't as crazy as he was on the VMA's.

"This is Parker Billings. Um…I was wondering if you could tell me what I did for you last night." I said, fiddling with my fingers as Phil drove. A laugh came over the receiver again.

"Well, for one, your buddy Alan won me over one hundred thousand dollars in Blackjack. He is wicked sick in that game, dog. No shit. You saved me in a concert. I was screwing up big time, and you just jumped in and rapped for me. You were pretty incredible too, I might add. You were wicked sick rapping to one of my songs, everyone loved you!" he said. He went on about how we hung out afterwards.

"Was my brother Doug there?" I asked, still fiddling.

"Yep, he was. Your boyfriend, what's his name…Phil? I think? He was the fucking crazy one, man! If I can do anything for you! Anything, it's on me, dog." he said. I smiled and nodded.

"Cool, so if I need you, I can just call you when I want?" I asked, smirking into my words.

"Yup, alright. I'd love to stop and chat, but I've got another performance to go to. Gotta go, bye!" he said, hanging up. I closed the phone and laughed.

"So…is he as fucking crazy as he was on the VMA's two years ago?" asked Phil, keeping his eyes on the road. I shook my head.

"Seemed pretty down to earth to me. According to him, I went up and rapped with him, and I was pretty fucking good. And Alan won him a lot of money in Blackjack. Then we had an after party, and Doug was there. He also explained that you were the craziest out of all of us, Phil." I replied, counting off the things in my head. It finally clicked.

"Doug's iPod!" I screamed, reaching into my pocket and pulling out the blue device. For so much I went through today, it looked fucking perfect. I flipped it on and scrolled down to videos. There was only one, and I decided to watch it.

Doug was recording the concert, giving glimpses of all of us freaking out. Kanye was sucking up the joint, so I went out and started rapping to Forever that he did with Drake, Lil Wayne and Eminem. I looked at myself…all roofied…and noticed I was pretty good. I was wrapping the Lil' Wayne part, my voice doing all of the crazy contortion that the rapper does. Then I also sang the Drake part; I can still sing while high! Awesome!

"Damn, I am pretty fucking sweet!" I exclaimed, still listening to myself. Alan started laughing at the recording.

"Hah, drunk rapping. Classic!" said Alan, commenting on my drunkenness in the video. I glared back at him.

"You're not bad, Parks." said Phil, rubbing my shoulder quickly and turning back to the road. I almost said something smart assish, but we all screamed at the sight of something familiar.

A black Escalade was parked outside in the desert. An Asian man with two Italian mobster's was standing right in front of our car, we all screamed and looked at each other, freaking out. Getting out of the car, not out best idea.

We all got out of the car and stood in front of it. I glared daggers at the Asian dude for the beat up a few hours ago. DAMN HIM! He looked at us, hand on hip with a pissed look.

"I want my purse back, _bitches_."

* * *

><p><strong> Hey! It's me, gleek2! Sorry I havn't updated in a while, I've been working on a That 70's show fiction and refreshing my A-team one, and have been really caught up with that!(And if you're going to read my A-team one, I'll give a quick hint. My OC is a hacker :]) Thanks for the reviews, because when I started this, I thought I wasn't going to get any! Thank you for all of the support and enjoy the next few chatpers! Oh, and I might add a bit more craziness to my sequel once I see the Hangover Part II!(especially with the relationship of Phil and my OC, Parker! MUAHAHAH!) Again thank you! R&amp;R!<strong>

** P.S.~ Do you guys like Parker? I was trying to create a girl that would fit in with the wolfpack so it would seem natural! I know everyone basically does how Doug's sister goes, but I want to make it so then their not caught up on each other most of the time, but are two very different people. Her relationship with Phil was interesting to think of, and I thought of the taser chapter extra early while I was writing it...like first chapter early! **

** And I take constructive criticism(I think I might have spelled that wrong. Oops. :O ) Please reviews! **


	6. Iko Iko

Chapter Six: Iko Iko

"It's not a purse, it's a satchel!" retorted Alan, defending his precious property. I laughed at the man's face.

"It's a purse, gay boy." he said, stealing the purse from Alan. My mind was racing, and I realized this was Mr. Chow.

"Mr. Chow?" I asked as he rummaged through the bag. He looked up at me and smiled.

"That's right, you crazy bitch!" he screamed. I almost went all fucking haywire on him, until Phil held me back. Mr. Chow threw the purse down in defeat.

"It's not in there!" he said, stomping on the purse. Alan had a freak attack.

"Hey! There are Skittles in there!" he screamed, his face stricken with horror. I was still struggling under Phil's grip when one of Chow's body guards punched Alan in the stomach. Mr. Chow laughed.

"It's funny cause he's fat!" said Chow. I struggled harder under Phil's grip.

"Just what the hell do you want?" I asked, finally calming down. Phil still kept a firm grasp on my hands, but I didn't mind.

"I want my eighty thousand dollars, bitches." he said, hand on hip. I glared at him and almost flipped again. "Or you no get Doug." He pointed to the window, which rolled down to reveal our Doug covered by a black cloth over the face. We all screamed.

"Give us Doug back!" screamed Stu, but Chow shook his head.

"You give me money, we give you Doug." he said, turning around and getting in his car. He rolled down the window just as he was about to pull away.

"Bring it here at dawn." he stated, rolling up the window. Just as he was about to roll it up, he said, "So long gay boys and crazy bitch!" He hollered like an Indian and rolled up the window completely. I screamed as he pulled away.

"SHIT! How the hell are we going to get all that money by dawn?" I asked, furiously stomping the ground. Phil wrapped his arms around me, reassuring me all would be okay.

* * *

><p>We were back in the hotel, think of ways to get the money back. I was pacing around the room, with Stu on the couch and Phil leaning against the wall Alan finally got our attention.<p>

"Hey guys! Look!" he said, holding up his Blackjack book from before. We all looked at each other, then back at him. Oh hell yes!

* * *

><p>I was getting ready to go to the casino, covering up everything I could. I found my dress from last night amidst all of the shit and decided to wear that. The dress didn't reek at all. As I slipping it on, a knock came to the door.<p>

"Come in!" I screamed, still looking at my damage. Phil came into view with the same suit he wore last night. He looked, well, hot.

"Stu's gone to pick up Jade from her place." he said, coming over and wrapping his arms around me. I snuggled into his embrace.

"So, what Phil? Are we together, or not?" I asked, turning around to face him. He looked at me and sighed.

"Listen, I know I made the hugest fucking mistake leaving you in high school." he stated, looking at me with those blue eyes. I almost passed out.

"And?" I asked, waiting for his answer. He looked at me and smirked.

"I should have never left." he replied, kissing me on the lips, deeply. I smiled and kissed him back.

* * *

><p>Ugh. Screw you Stu! Hah, that rhymed! Phil and I were having a fucking moment…thanks for ruining it. Okay, so after Phil and I regained ourselves, we head towards the casino. Me, Alan and Phil were riding down the escalators all dramatic like, and all I could think about was how Alan was going to win. I could have sworn I heard 'Joker and the Thief' by Wolfmother while. We headed towards the table, Phil drinking something…I don't know what the hell it was…and I was watching the table. Alan was already in the action, and he put down the wad of cash.<p>

"Ten thousand." said the dealer, giving Alan his money in chips. Phil breathed in a heavy breath.

"Hey, are these seats taken?" asked Stu, coming up with Jade. She smiled and winked at us as she and Stu sat down. Get ready, Hard Rock, your getting fucking bankrupt tonight!

Alan won the first hand he played. Phil and I smiled proudly.

"Oh Yeah! Shut up bitches!" screamed Phil, smiling as Alan still played. Over the elapsed time of twenty minutes, Alan had won every game. Stu and Jade weren't doing so bad either. During that time, Phil and I managed to do some crazy poses, he even flipped off the camera.

"I don't know you, but I say that's crazy!" said Stu, looking at Alan's bet. He put in most of his chips for the one bet. I was leaned forward rubbing Alan's back, while Phil was behind me pacing. The dealer dealt Alan an Ace to his already ten of spades.

"Oh come on! He can't lose!" mocked Phil, chanting loudly as Alan won another round. He ruffled his hair and screamed victoriously.

I looked over at the pit boss, "Shit," I muttered to Phil, "Pit boss is watching him." He nodded, obviously not surprised.

Jade noticed this too, because she was whispering to Stu and eyeing the man. She looked at me and nodded, beginning to laugh very loudly. She laughed so hard that she fell over in her chair, her legs dangling in the air. Phil and Alan gathered the chips at the diversion and escaped the casino. They met up with us at the hotel.

"Holt shit, the total is 84,200!" I screamed, rechecking my counting. We all screamed and danced around like little children. I even fist pumped. "Let's go get Doug!"


	7. Black Doug

_"_Chapter Seven: Black Doug

It was dawn, we were at the meeting place, so where the fuck was that chow guy? Ugh, this trip is definetly not one of my favorites. A black Escalade, finally, pulled up. A angry Chow stepped out with his two Italian mobsters.

"You have Doug?" I asked, tapping my foot impatiently. He smirked and waved his hand. The window rolled down revealing Doug.

"You got my eighty grand?" he asked, using a bitchy face. I rolled my eyes and flung the bag to him.

"I checked it over twenty times," okay that was a total lie on my part, "it's all there." He looked at me and motioned towards his guards. They went and got Doug out of the car. Alan began to jump up and down excitedly, Stu was finally starting to chill, and Phil still had a smirk on his face from when we won all that money.

"Here's your Doug." said Chow, pushing the man towards us. I ran up to the sack around his head and took it off, revealing...well...not Doug.

"This isn't our Doug." Stu said, speaking up for all of us. We were in shock...okay I was pissed off more than shocked. This wasn't my fucking brother, so who the hell is he.

"Yes, this is Doug, bitches." said Chow, hand now on his hip. I rolled my eyes and stared at the sight before me. Instead of my brother, all short and stuff, it was...well...not Doug.

"Our Doug is white, he's black." Oh Alan, he always is very fucking blunt. My anger management classes weren't helping me right now, I have to stay calm.

"Hey, chill about that stuff, man. Besides, I can be your Doug." said the black Doug, acting really high. I hit my head. Of course we'd get a druggie.

"No, you can't." I growled simply, my hands forming into fists at the sight of Mr. Chow. "I suggest you leave before I do anything I regret." He took the message and ran to his car.

"SO LONG GAY BOYS!...And bitch!" he screamed out the window, driving away in his car. Alan and black Doug were in total conversation mode.

"Yeah, Stu I bought the drugs from him." said Alan, completely being oblivious to the anger on Stu's face. I snickered a bit.

"You bought ruffies from him? Alan, really? Are you fucking kidding me!" hollered Stu, stomping on the ground like a little kid. Phil didn't seem to be pleased either.

"You know, one day me and my boy were wondering 'Yah know, why do they call 'em rooffies?' You know what I'm talking about?" asked the not-our-Doug. I rolled my eyes and leaned up against Phil, he didn't really seem to mind. Hah, I love having a boyfriend again.

"No, I don't know what your 'talking' about." replied Stu, aggrivated as ever. I was pissed as ever, but this was as funny as hell. Stu was funny when he got aggrivated.

"Why not like floories? Because if you take them, you'll most likely end up on the floor instead of the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name for 'em." said the Doug. I shook my head, it was fucking slang for Ruphelyn. My god, some people in the world are stupid.

"What about rapies?" asked Alan, scratching his beard. I smiled at that one, partially because it was true. I honestly think that condom from the car was from me and Phil. Hmm...now that you think about it...ahh...never mind.

"Whatever, I think we should call Trace and tell her the news." I said, stepping in and taking charge. They all looked at me, well my three but Not-our Doug looked around mumbling about rooffies. "I'm being completely serious."

"I agree." said Phil, obviously agreeing with me. Stu raised an eyebrow to that and gave us a weird look.

"You guys never agree with each other? What the hell is going on?" asked Stu incredulously. I shrugged and leaned up against Phil, using him as my back rest. He was leaning against the Mustang, glasses on his face. "Somethign is going on."

"God, are you blind, Stu? Can't you tell? I have already and I'm not the fastest person around." said Alan, chiding Stu silently. My mouth went agape, and Phil smirked a bit.

"Phil, Doug is going to kill you." was all Stu said about that. "Call Tracy."

* * *

><p>"Tracy, it's Phil." said Phil, nervous about what she'd say. I could hear her over the phone. She sounded pissed.<p>

"_Phil, where the hell are you guys?_" asked Tracy. I was leaning against the door of the Mustang, thinking about where Doug could be. Black Doug reminded me of something, was it a roof?

"Listen, we fucked up."

"_What do you mean?_"

"The whole bachelor party...it-I-um...it didn't go so well." he pasued, "We lost Doug."

"_You What?_" Tracy sounded pissed for sure.

"We can't find Doug."

"_Phil, we're getting married in **five** hours._"

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." Stu began screaming about something. It sounded like he remembered something from this fucking mess.

"PHIL! HANG UP THE PHONE!" said Stu, running over to Phil and tackling him to the ground. The phone got chucked near me, so I picked it up.

"_Phil? What the hell-_" began Tracy, but I cut her off.

"'tworrryaboutuswe'refinewhywouldn'twebe?(Sorry Tracy, we have to go and do something. Don't worry about us, we're fine. Why Wouldn't we be?) Don'tworrywe'llfindDougandyou'llgetmarried!(Don't worry, we'll find Doug and you'll get married.)" I rushed, hangning up the phone when I was done. I glared at Stu.

"What the hell man!" screamed Phil, getting up and brushing himself off. Stu breathed hard.

"You remember when black Doug said why roofies are roofies and you don't end up on the roof? Well Doug is on the roof! His matress was a sign of that! We must have carried him up there for a midnight prank and ended up leaving his matress there as a reminder! We're gonna get Doug back!" rushed Stu. I still spoke faster to Tracy, but those were words she would have loved to hear. We all looked at each other silently, then ran to the car. I hopped in the drivers seat and took Phil's Aviators.

"Sorry, babe. I'm driving." I said as he complained about it. He pouted at me, and I smirked. "No chance, pretty boy. Keep it up, see what else I take away." His mouth went from pout to smirk in five seconds. The black Doug stared at us.

"Doug, we owe you everything, but we can't give you anything." said Alan, looking at the man. The black Doug shook his head.

"Nah, it's cool. That weird Asian dude gave me money, so I'm cool." he said, walking away. We all stared blankly at each other until I spoke up.

"Gents, let's go get me brother."

* * *

><p><strong>HEYO! OMG, I just saw the second part of the hangover...awesome. Loved it. Even though it just came out, I'll try my best to write a sequel. Although it'll need some tweaking, I'm happy I'll be able to write it! And I know people are reading, I see the views! So review! Please! Anything that you think needs tweaking I'll tweak! Thanks for reading.<strong>

**Thanks for reading, again. I know I thank alot, but I'm happy you're reading it! Make sure to always be happy, and remember that monkey!**

**R&R, gleek2**


	8. Burnt Favors

Chapter Eight: Sunburnt Favors

We rushed over to the hotel, wasting no time on anything. We need to find Doug, and we needed to find him fast. I coudldn't wait for a fucking elevator, so I ran up the stairs. I had so much energy, I felt like that Energizer Bunny with the fucking black drum and sunglasses. Anyway, back on topic.

Running towards the door, I kicked, yes kicked, the door down and scanned the roof. I headed towards the front, checking, while the others check amongst their own thoughts. All I could wonder is how bad Tracy was going to kill me, and how Em must have been freaked out.

"HEY! I found him!" screamed Stu from the opposite side of the building I was on. Running, I got over there with Alan and Phil to find a sunburnt Doug with a satchel around his arm. He was groaning about how much he hurt.

"Doug." I said, patting his head lightly. He groaned. "Are you alright?"

"Never better, Parks. Thanks." he replied, smirking at me a bit. I smirked right back. "But you know what? I woke up a few hours ago to find this," he said, showing the satchel, "that happens to have over eighty thousand dollars worth of poker chips in it, plus a Kanye West backstage pass."

"Ah, Doug. You missed the party." I smiled as I said this, leaning back against the wall he was sitting on.

"Lets go get you married."

* * *

><p>We got on the road, Alan calling in a favor and delievering tuxes to the guys. I had my dress, thank god it was okay, and we changed on the way there. I decided since I fucked up about everything, I would get Tracy and Doug another wedding gifts.<p>

The seating arrangement in the car: Phil was driving with me next to him on the passenger, Alan was behind Phil, Doug was in the middle, and Stu next to Doug. He finally got cooled down after the worst fucking sunburn he's ever gotten. I dialed a number quickly on my phone, the ring making me go crazy.

"_Hello?_" asked a familiar voice, the voice belonging to the rapper I called just a few hours ago. I smirked.

"Hey, it's Parker again."

"_Oh hey! What can I do for yah?_" asked Kanye, curiousness in his voice. I smirked even more.

"Think you can pull off a quick concert?" I asked meekly. A laugh came from the reciever.

"_Tell me the time and place, Parker, and I'll be there._" he replied, laughing a bit. I gave him Sid's address and hung up, not after thanking him though.

"Parks, who the hell was that?" asked Doug, obviously curious about why me and Phil weren't in a verbal MMA. I shrugged and glanced at Phil who was smirking.

"You'll see, it's part of my wedding gift." I replied, rubbing my neck from the soreness. Damn, everywhere still hurt. Even my lips were bruised.

"Okay, what the hell is up with you two? Normally you're arguing." said Doug, scratching his burnt chin. Phil and I glanced at each other, nervousness evident in our eyes.

"I've been wondering the same exact thing." added Stu, now increasing my nervousness.

"You're not gonna like it Doug." said Phil, keeping his eyes on the road as he went of 90 miles/hour. Doug glared at him.

"What the hell did you do, Phil?" he asked, stilling stroking his chin, but with a more aggressive way. I sighed and shook my head. "You're not dating her again, are you Phil?" Damn him. Damn you Phil fucking Wenneck for being so sexy. This is why I hated/loved Phil and I's relationship, Doug could see right through our liess and cover ups.

"I told you. You didn't like it." said Phil in a meek tone. Stu smirked a bit, leaning back against his seat. Alan started laughing.

"I knew it all along! Hah, classic." he mumbled, rubbing his hands on his scruffy beard. I turned back to see, instead of finding a really pissed off Doug, a very happy one.

"Well thank god for that! I thought it never happen again!" said Doug, clapping his hands together with glee. I about choked on nothingness.

"You wanted this to happen?" asked Phil for me, glacing at Doug through the mirror on the car's top. Doug smirked.

"You think I didn't want it to happen. A) Em's going to have her father. B) You two are made for each other. C) Phil, you made a fucking mistake you should pay for. She knows plenty of methods of torture she's tried on Alan over the years." Phil glanced at me, amused.

"I tased him in the balls." I said triumphantly. "Then after that we made out." Phil chuckled a bit as Stu gagged.

"Okat, eww! I do not need to know that." he gagged, breathing in a heavy breath. I smirked at him.

"And we really never needed to know that the fucking devil doesn't like cemen! That's one of the things that I remember, you said she grossed out by cemen!" I screamed, fist pumping as Stu turned red. Doug and Phil laughed, along with Alan chuckling a bit too. The car ride home was the best, I think. In under two hours, we made it too the start of hell all over again.


	9. Charlie

Chapter Nine: Charlie

We got there, thank God! If we were even any second later, Tracy would've had my head as a decorative wall haning. I hated those fucking things, always staring at you with those meaty eyes and mouths open like 'Rawr'.

"Sorry! MapQuest gave us the wrong directions!" said Stu, walking in fast with all of us following. Phil and I were towards the back, hands interlocked with each other's. I think his soon-to-be-ex was glaring at me. Whatever though, I don't give a fuck about what she thinks. Tracy smirked at me when she saw that Phillip and I were holding hands. OH! So that was her ultimate goal. Smart Garner, I'll give you this round.

"Doug, what the hell happened to you?"whipsered/asked Tracy as Doug got into earshot. I smirked a bit and glacned at Phil. He winked my way.

"I just got a little color." he whipsered back. He smiled a bit.

"Never do that to me again." she whipsered, smiling back. He nodded and turned towards the priest. The priest began to speak about marrige, and he sounded a lot like the priest from 'The Princess Bride', with the high squeeky voice and said "mawwige" instead of marriage. I smirked a bit as the ceremony went on, thank God we made it to Doug's wedding.

* * *

><p>"MOM!" screamed my seven-year-old daughter, Emily. She came running up to me in a dress similar to mine, her brown-blonde curls cascading down her back. Her deep blue eyes were filled with glee as I pulled her into a hug.<p>

"Emily! How are you honey?" I asked, ruffling her messy curls. She smiled up at me, Phil's smile, and shrugged.

"Okay, I guess. How was Vegas?" she asked, scratching her chin with fake curiosity. I laughed.

"Good. Oh honey! I want you to meet some people." I stated, grabbing her arm and hauling over to where the boys were. She perked up when she saw Doug and Alan.

"UNCLE DOUG! UNCLE ALAN!" she screamed, running towards them full force. Doug groaned as she ran towards him, hugging her back. Phil and Stu raised an eyebrow.

"Hey Em." said Doug, rubbing her back and shrinking down to her size. "How are you?"

"I'm fine! Ugh, why does everyone keep asking about me? Hi uncle Alan." she stated, running up to him and hugging him. Phil raised an eyebrow and mouthed questionable 'uncle?'. I smirked at him a bit and nodded.

"Em, these are the people I want you to meet." I said, turning her around to face Stu and Phil. She scratched her chin again curiously.

She pointed to Stu. "That's uncle Stu." She pointed to Phil. "That's dad." Phil and Stu's mouths went into an 'O' shape, but Doug and I smirked.

"She's smart, Phil, get used to it." I said, patting his shoulder. He ran his hands through his hair and smirked a bit, kneeling down to her level.

"Hello Emily." he said shakily. Her eyes were filled with humor on how nervous he was.

"Hi daddy." she replied, hugging him tighter than the others. He wrapped his arms around her and smiled, a smile of a father meeting his daughter for the first time. A huge smile appeared on my face. After they pulled away, Emily looked at my arm curiously. "Mom, why did Kanye West sign your arm? And who's Mr. Chow?" I laughed a bit.

"I'll tell you later, honey. It's a long story." I replied as she sat on a chair in front of me. She rubbed her chin.

"No, you forgot it. You, Dad, Uncle Alan, Uncle Doug and Uncle Stu are all suffering from a bad hangover." she guessed. Their mouth's fell open, but I put on a smirk of a proud mother.

"Honey, you are too smart for your own good. And yes, we are. I'll..er...tell you what I remember later. For now-" I began to say, but was cut off by a crash and a yell.

"You fucking fumbling idiot!" screamed the manager of the serving crew. A kid, not looking older than fifteen, was picking up pieces of a spilled plate. I walked, calmy, over there to see what was going on.

"Excuse me, A) that is no way to talk to a child. B) what did he do?" I asked, glaring at the man. He had an Itlian look to him, like a Guido. The man scoffed.

"He broke a plate! That'sa unexcuseable in my working enviorment!" he said with a Jersey accent. The kid shrunk away. "This ain't the first time it's happened!"

"Correct your grammar! Who the hell taught you to speak? And plus, how old is this kid? He looks not even fifteen yet." I growled, glaring intently at the man. Emily came and helped the boy up, using all of her strength to haul him to his feet. He thanked her and turned to the two of us, yelling over him.

"He's eighteen! Told me so when I hired him!" screamed the man. The kid looked pissed.

"I told you, Juilian, I'm thirteen, yet you still make me work!" spat the kid, showing a lot of attitude towards the man. I looked at the kid with calm eyes.

"What's your name?" I asked him, touching his shoulder lightly. He inched away from my touch and sighed.

"Charlie Cooper." he replied, sliding his hands into his pockets. My mouth fell agape, and I was sure I was calling unwanted attention to myself.

"And, Charlie, what the hell are you doing working?" I asked as the guys came to my side. Doug came behind me, a twin backing up his twin. Hell yeah, twin power!

"He's my adoptive father, always makes me work." he replied, shuffling his feet on the ground in defeat. I turned my gaze to the slimy guido and glared.

"You let this kid work? He's your fucking responibility! I'm calling child protection services and the cops." I screamed in triumph. The man, Juilian, began to inch away slowly.

"You don't wanna do this, babe. I'ma good person. I not doing anything wrong."

"No you aren't. You're a mean, slimy old man who thinks he's all sexy and such, but is just a dead soul inside. My mother can sue you for what you've done, for child abuse and slavery!" stated Emily, racking her brain for information. I fucking loved my daughter's brain, it's so useful at times. I saw bouncers behind the man and nodded to them; they took him away. He screamed in defiance, but we all ignored him.

Turning to the kid, I said, "You alright, kid?" He nodded his head.

"Fine, thank you. No one has ever stood up for me in the past three years of being under his care. Thank you." he thanked, smiling genuinly at me. I nodded my head and smiled back.

"We outcasts have to stick together, Charlie. It's what we do. I'll see if the law will work on my side, but for now, go relax a bit." I said, pushing him off towards the party goers. Tracy immeditaly took his arm and led him to a table to eat. I smirked proudly at me daughter.

"Mom, did I just help send a man to prison?" asked Emily, looking up at me with her blue eyes. I still kept my smirk.

"Yes, baby. Yes you did." I replied, ruffling her hair. Shr shrugged away. "You did excellent." I said as she fixed her hair. I smiled at her, and felt something buzz from my dress pocket. Yes, a dress with a fucking pocket! Who knew? I picked it up.

"_Parker, I'm here_." said the phone voice, Kanye West. I smiled as music began playing, the band began to play.

"Be right there." I replied, shutting the phone and turning to everyone. Phil was smirking, Stu's mouth was wide open, Doug was smirking as well, while Alan was laughing.

"Hah! Classic Parker." said Alan, smiling for no reason. I looked at all of them and smiled.

"I have to-" I began, but was cut off again. But this time, it was the bitch.

"Stu, have you been avoiding me?" asked an angry Melissa, that fucking bitch. I looked at Emily and told her to join Tracy.

"Have you met Tracy's brother Alan-" he began, but bitch grabbed his mouth, "Ow, okay. Easy there."

"Stu, that's disgusting." she roared. I rolled my eyes and clicked my heel impatiently. I had to see this, Stu was going to break it off. Finally, after so many fucking years that have tortured my boyfriend and last June, she will be gone!

"Umm..." muttered Stu, not thinking of anything to say.

"And I check that bed and breakfast in Nappa, they had no record of you being there."

"That's 'cause we didn't go to Nappa."

"Stu, what the _fuck_ is going on?" exclaimed Melissa. I looked over a where Emily was sitting. She looked pissed, and she was pissed at Melissa.

"We went to Vegas, and brought Parker along with us." he confessed. Melissa turned around and glared at me, and I flipped her off. She huffed and turned back to Stu.

"Why would you go to Las Vegas?"

"'Cause my best friend is getting married, and that's what guys do. Parker is also one of the guys."

"That's not what _you_ do!"

"Really? Well, then why did I do it? Huh? 'Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it?" He pause for a second. "You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do."

"That is not how it works!"

"Oh good!" he said, extending good out a bit. "Because whatever _this_ is ain't working for me!"

"Since when?"

"Since you fucked Paker's boyfriend the waiter on your cruise last June. BOOM!" he said, throwing his hand up in the air. I let out a held breath and took in another. Phil wrapped his arms around me and smiled into my hair.

"I thought you said it was a bartender." quesitoned Alan, looking confused as ever. I smirked and laughed a bit, so did Phil. Stu got realization on his face.

"Oh! You're right! I stand corrected! It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender." said Stu, smiling triumphantly.

"You're an idiot!" was all she could say. Her cheeks were a deep crimson.

"You-you're..." began Stu, but was struggling with what to say. "You're...such a bad person! Like all the way through your core!" he said, smiling. I smirked even more. "Come Alan, shall we dance?" Stu walked away. I pulled Phil away from me and smirked at Melissa.

"Phil, I gotta go. My 'present' is waiting outside." I said. He looked at me and groaned.

"Fine." he whined, pouting like a kid. I smirked and ran away, into the front. In his flory, Kanye West stood before me. He held out a pair of boot converse that matched the dress.

"Just as you said. What are we doing?" he asked, scratching his beard. I smirked a bit.

"E.T."


	10. ET

Chapter Ten: E.T.

I stood in front of everyone at the wedding, my shoes as awesome as they should be. They perfectly matched the dress with the correct colors and everything. Kanye did owe me big time. I told the band before I spoke what I wanted them to play.

"Hi everyone. My name is Parker Billings, the groom's sister and Maid of Honor. I've known these two for most of my life, and I love them to death. I really couldn't think of a wedding gift or a speech to make as the Maid of Honor, so instead I'm doing something a little different. And just to let you know, you'll love it." I stated into the mic, motioning behind my back so the band would play. The began the beginning of E.T., until this came out:

_I got a dirty mind_  
><em>I got filthy ways<em>  
><em>I'm tryna Bathe my Ape in your Milky Way<em>  
><em>I'm a legend, I'm irreverent<em>  
><em>I be reverand<em>  
><em>I be so fa-a-ar up, we don't give a f-f-f-f-ck<em>  
><em>Welcome to the danger zone<em>  
><em>Step into the fantasy<em>  
><em>You are not invited to the otherside of sanity<em>  
><em>They calling me an alien<em>  
><em>A big headed astronaut<em>  
><em>Maybe it's because your boy Yeezy get ass a lot<em>

I smiled as Doug began to freak out, along with Tracy. They loved Kanye West, so I think I did my job well when he came out onto the stage. I put the mic to my face and began to sing:

_You're so hypnotizing_  
><em>Could you be the devil, Could you be an angel<em>

_Your touch magnetizing_  
><em>Feels like I am floating, Leaves my body glowing<em>

_They say be afraid_  
><em>You're not like the others, Futuristic lover<em>  
><em>Different DNA<em>  
><em>They don't understand you<em>

_Your from a whole other world  
><em>_A different dimension_  
><em>You open my eyes<em>  
><em>And I'm ready to go<em>  
><em>Lead me into the light<em>

_Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me_  
><em>Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison<em>

_Take me, ta-ta-take me_  
><em>Wanna be a victim, Ready for abduction<em>

_Boy, you're an alien_  
><em>Your touch so foreign<em>  
><em>It's supernatural<em>  
><em>Extraterrestrial<em>

_Your so supersonic_  
><em>Wanna feel your powers, Stun me with your lasers<em>  
><em>Your kiss is cosmic, Every move is magic<em>

_Your from a whole other world_  
><em>A different dimension<em>  
><em>You open my eyes,<em>

_And I'm ready to go, Lead me into the light_

_Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me_  
><em>Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison<em>

_Take me, ta-ta-take me_  
><em>Wanna be a victim, Ready for abduction<em>

_Boy, you're an alien_  
><em>Your touch so foreign<em>  
><em>It's supernatural<em>  
><em>Extraterrestrial<em>

The music transferred into the bridge, where Kanye came out and rapped again:

_I know a bar out in Mars_  
><em>Where they driving spaceships instead of cars<em>  
><em>Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars<em>  
><em>Getting stupid ass straight out the jar<em>  
><em>Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck<em>  
><em>Tell me what's next, alien sex<em>  
><em>I'ma disrobe you, than I'mma probe you<em>  
><em>See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do<em>  
><em>I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do<em>

It was my turn again. I looked at everyone, and they seemed to be dancing to the beat. I loved the way everything was turning out. On that note, I sang:

_Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me_  
><em>Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison<em>

_Take me, ta-ta-take me_  
><em>Wanna be a victim<em>  
><em>Ready for abduction<em>

_Boy, you're an alien_  
><em>Your touch so foreign<em>  
><em>It's supernatural<em>

_Extraterrestrial_

_Extraterrestrial_  
><em>Extraterrestrial<em>

_Boy, you're an alien_  
><em>Your touch so foreign<em>  
><em>It's supernatural<em>  
><em>Extraterrestrial<em>

Everyone began clapping and cheering. I knew I had done my job as Maid of Honor.

* * *

><p>"Parker, I'm serious. You didn't have to do that." said Doug, trying to be all calm. We were all away from the party, gathered around a table. I was leaned up against Phil; we were sitting on the only couch in the area. I smirked and shook my head.<p>

"Doug, I love you buddy, but yes I did. Kanye said he had to owe me something, I took this as that favor. Besides, I know you and Trace have been freaking out over getting tickets for his concerts, and you actually went to one and didn't remember. So I brought him to you." I retorted, smirking while I did. Phil smiled into my hair.

"You know, he actually was down to earth." said Stu, noticing the obvious. I smirked more.

"Nope, not like that bitch." I mumbled, and Stu agreed.

"If I ever go through something like that again, shoot me." he said, rubbing his face. I smirked a bit and Phil laughed.

"So what now? Doug got a tan, Phil and I got together, and Stu finally broke up with that bitch. What do we do now?" I asked to the open. I saw Alan come up with a flower in his hair, totally oblivious.

"I saw we go to Vegas next week, no-wait. Not next week, Jonas Brother's are in town. Oh! And look what I found!" said Alan, holding up a camera. I looked up at him.

"My camera!" screamed Stu. I took it from Alan's hands and turned it on.

"We should look." I stated. Stu shook his head.

"I agree. We look at these pictures together, Okay? One time. Then we delete the evidence." said Doug, holding his face away from the camera. Stu shook his head violently.

"I say we delete it right now." said Stu, chickening out. I frogged( A/N:yes I used that from the That 70's show stuff, but it sound so goot to use!) him in the arm.

"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital! Is that in there?" asked Phil, looking over my shoulder. My thumb hovered over the 'view' button. Alan nodded.

"Yeah, it's in there!" said Alan excitedly. I smirked even more.

"One time, gents. Then we delete it." I started, looking at all of them. Doug had to finish for me.

"Deal?" asked Doug. I looked around at all the men.

"Hell to the yeah." I said.

"Deal!" said Phil, more excited than Alan. Stu sighed.

"Deal." he mumbled pulling himself over to the camera. Alan shrugged.

"Okay." We all leaned over the camera I was holding, and I pushed the button. The first picture to appear...disturbing.

"Oh dear lord!" screamed Stu, rubbing his face. I almost passed out.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, scanning through the pictures. Alan laughed behind me.

"That's classic!"

* * *

><p><strong> Thank you so much for reading part I. I shall be making part II in the same story. I liked my title, and find it weird to put 'The Wolfette, Part II', so I'm making it one large story! Each of the parts will have an Epiloge(i think i spelled that write), that will tie the ending together! Thanks for reading part I and I hoped you enjoy the randomness of the wolfpack!<strong>

**Stay classic,**

**gleek2**


	11. Epilogue to Part I

Epilogue:

**One Year later**

Hello! It's me, Parker! Yah miss me? Well, let me catch you up on the craziness of my life now-a-days. Instead of working as a doctor, I am now a singer and rapper! Kanye's recording studio people loved my rapping and voice and decided to sponsor me on my journey! Fucking awesome! Charlie was now my fostor kid, and he absoluetly adored Emily. Emily adored him also. Phil and I were still going strong, of course we were. We've had the most stable relationship status of any couple, because...well...Dougie was right. We were made for each other.

"Parks! I'm back! Stu and Doug are here too!" screamed Phil as he came home from work. Emily and Charlie now attended the school Phil taught at, and I thought I'd never say this...but he's a good teacher. I put down my pencil and got up from the piano. I was just trying to write a song for my album titled: The Hangover. Me and Phil both thought it was perfect, and so did everyone else.

"Hey! How was your day?" I asked to my eight-year-old daughter and fourteen-year-old son. They both shrugged.

"Good." they answered in unison, and walked up the stairs. Ever since that wedding night, they've been stuck together like glue. I loved that they were so close, and I also loved that Charlie was going on a date tomorrow. Major fucking imbarassment time. Muahahaha, evil me. Phil walked up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a backwards hug. He kissed my hair, then put his lips up to my ear.

"You know, it is a Friday? How about after Doug and Stu leave, we go and see a movie?" he whispered, tickling my ear slightly. I smirked and turned around to face him.

"The kids?"

"Charlie is old enough to babysit. Besides, I haven't taken you out on a date in so long, I need to." he replied, securing his hold on me. I smirked even more and nodded.

"Sounds good to me." I replied. He then brought his lips down to mine, kissing me passionetly on the lips. This is how all of the kisses were...well...hot per say.

"Oh, god! Get a room!" screamed Stu, pretending to cover his eyes. I pulled away and flipped him off. Doug was hysterically laughing.

"Oh, come one Stuey! Their in love, let them be for a while. Besides, you're not here to taunt Phil and Parks. You're here for something else." nudged Doug, hitting his friend lightly in the stomach. I smiled and pulled away from Phil, but he decided otherwise. When I turned around, he slipped his arms around my waist in a backwards hug and put his chin on the top of my head.

"What is it, Stu? Come on!" I complained, pouting a little afterwards. He laughed at me.

"I'm getting married, to Lauren." he stated proudly. My mouth went agape, and so did Phil's. We both stood there in shock, until I decided it would be good to talk.

"And you told Doug first? What the fuck, man! Oh well, congrats Stuey!" I screamed, detatching myself from Phil and hugging my best friend. He hugged me back.

"Thanks Parks." he said. I turned around and glared at Phil, he was still in shock.

"Congrats man! That's...that's awesome!" shoted Phil, smiling wildly. Stu and Phil did that weird 'man' hug thing.

"Thanks! I want you both to come down for the wedding, Lauren even said she was going to make you a bridesmaid!" said Stu. Phil and I glanced at each other, than back at him. "Do you accept?"

"Hell yeah we do! But, can we bring-" I began to ask, but Stu cut me off.

"Yes, you can bring Charlie and Emily. They're invited too. Lauren has a little brother around Charlie's age, and they'd get along very well." confirmed Stu. I smirked, and nodded my head.

"Well, it looks like we're going to...?" I asked, moving my hands so that he would finish the sentence.

"Bangkok."

* * *

><p>(AN: Alright, so I'm being a bit stingy on Phil and Parker's relationship stuff. So here you go!"

After the movie, inwhich we saw Thor, who I almost drooled over, we snuck into the house. Checking the rooms, we noticed that Emily and Charlie were in his room, the TV blaring a bit. Phil wiggled his eyebrows at me and pointed towards our bedroom. I smirked and nodded, running past him quietly. He closed the door after him.

"So..." I said, shuffling my feet from side to side. Phil smirked at me, but said nothing. After five minutes of me trying to figure something out, he engulfed me in a deep kiss. I pulled him closer and ran my fingers through his bronze hair. His one arm snaked aroudn my waist, while the other trailed along my thigh ever so lightly. I moaned into his mouth. The kiss trailed down my mouth and onto my neck, where a subtle nip came ever so often. He pushed me onto the bed and looked down at me.

"Parks?" he asked, giving me his serious face. I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Phillip?" I asked, breathing hard. He smiled lightly at me, not the usual smirk.

"I love you." My mouth fell open. Oh, shit! He said it! Fucking hell yes!

"I love you too, Phil." I replied, and he engulfed me again.

* * *

><p><strong>Ello people! Here's the Epilogue! I cannot wait to start on part II of this story! The movie part II was just so...intersting! I can't wait to start writing, but the ideas have to flow people! Thanks for the reviews reviewers! I can't say that I'm not happy, because I am! YAY! Alright...deets on Part II:<strong>

**1) Parker will be super famous! And yay! I made her famous!**

**2) Emily and Charlie will have a better effect on this story. I thought of having Charlie in when I was thinking about my friend who's adopted. They are strong willed and independent people! Don't judge someone by where they come from, but by character!**

**3) Alan...will be Alan. ...I think enough is said there.**

**4) I'm going to go by the plot line of the second movie, I'll try to match lines as best I can! It's hard though, so I might see the movie over again and try and get down as much I can.**

**5) Parker's clothes. Yes, their back and will be posted on my profile! If you haven't checked out the ones posted already, do so! And a bunch of hints for my other stories are there too!**

** Alright! Thanks for reading Part Uno of the Wolfette! Hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again, and stay classic!**

**Live long and prosper...and stay classic!**

**~gleek2**


	12. Part II notice

**Part II: Notice!**

**Ello all my readers, subscribers, etc! Thank you all for reading my story! I've been trying to get down to the first chapter of Part II, but the realized that I need to watch the movie again! Grr...so. I might not be able to update for a whole, but I will give you hints about the story, like I did in the Epilgoue(or however you spell it). And if I don't update soon, I'm so sorry! Me and my buddy HooDoo are working on my A-team story(I needed help and she offered and I said yes! So yay for HooDoo! I owe them a lot!), and I'm curving the plot in a way it would be more...believeable. So if you like my stories, catch up on some of the ones I've written! OH! and That 70's show one soon to come out after a bit of tweaking, it'll probably be a Hyde/OC, maybe a Hyde/Jackie. I dunno!**

**Anyway, thanks for reading, and here is the background of partII **

**1) Lauren didn't exactly like Parker when they first met, until Lauren found out she was dating Phil. **

**2) Alan will have a bit of a secret to tell the guys at the end(I'm not telling you! MUAHAHAHA! And yes, I probably will leave you at a cliff hanger, because their might be a hangover part III, yay!)**

**3) Phil's ex will be there, creating more of a plot line! Yay!**

**4) Story will start with Parker's news about her CD called: The Hangover. Hah, I laughed at that. The song mentioned will be called 'The King of Blackjack'(you can probably guess why I called it that...and if you can't, it'll be told in the story) **

**And I say "Au revoir tous et apprécient mon histoire!" which means, "Goodbye all and enjoy my story!" Well enjoy it until I an get the new chapters, and goodbye until I can get the new chapters up!**

**...And did you guys see that video of Bradley Cooper speaking complete French? No wonder he's my favorite actor. YESH!**

**Okay, stay classic everyone!**

**~gleek2**


	13. Stuey's turn

Chapter One Part II: Stuey's Turn

_**Hello this is Stuart Price with Divine Denstry, sorry I can't pick up the phone. I'm in Bangkok about to get married and...**_

**"Phil."**

**"Tracy, I'm sorry."**

**"Where the hell are you?"**

**"It happened again."**

**"Don't say that. Please."**

**"No, this time we really fucked up."**

**"Seriously, what's wrong with you four?"**

**"So much, Trace. I don't even know where to begin."**

**"Oh God. How bad? Like...no wedding bad?"**

**"Yeah."**

* * *

><p>"Parker! Let's go, I want my pancakes!" screamed Phil from down the stairs. For the first time in a while, I took more time to get ready than him. He had already gone to Stu's dentist office a few days ago, complaining about something and almost stealing the perscription paper thing.<p>

"I'll be down in a minute!" I replied, looking at myself in the mirror. Usually, Phil took more time than I did, but today was a special occasion. I heard a groan come from down the stairs, signaling his annoyance. Setting my straightener down, I picked up a hair tie(rubber band and the other name for it), tying my blonde(yes...I never said what color her hair is! I'm so sorry! But this is part of the plot...and her hair is dyed blonde. Her orignial color is black.) hair into a side ponytail. I smiled at my reflectin and headed down stairs.

"Finally! Shit, Parks, you took longer than I did!" I flipped him off and shrugged.

"Shouldn't have hogged the bathroom the whole fucking time." I replied, grabbing my leather jacket and turning to his smirking face.

"Alright, alright. Can we just go? I'm hungry!" he complain, a pout forming on his mouth. I laughed.

"Yes, babe, let's go."

* * *

><p>"So, Stuey, when are we going to Bangkok?" I asked as Phil shoved his mouth with pancakes. I smirked at him, he was acting a lot like a child today.<p>

"Soon, very soon." replied the dentist, cutting into his own pancakes. I smirked a bit and played with my eggs. We were at iHop, the wonderful place to get pancakes.

"Are you inviting Alan?" I questioned, scooping a huge bite into my mouth. Stu dropped his fork and sighed.

"Don't you remember what happened last time?" I growled and flung my fork at my plate, leaning back frusterated.

"Stu, he basically thinks of us as best friends, don't give me bullshit."

"Look, Parker..." I growled, and he shut up.

"Stu, Parker's right. When Alan found out about the wedding and that he wasn't invited, he was heart broken." said Doug, munching on his own stack of pancakes. I gave him a thumbs up and smirked a bit.

"Do you guys even remember what the hell happened last time? Oh yeah, that's right! NO! We were all roofied! That's why I'm having my bachelor party right now. A bachelor brunch" Phil spit up his pancakes.

"What? Come on man, you can't just skip out on the bachelor party." said Phil, obviously pissed.

"Do you see that? That's orange juice with napkin on top of it. Do you want to know why? So nobody roofies me." said Stu matter-oh-factly as he pointed to his OJ. Phil rolled his eyes.

"Well I refuse to eat fucking cantalope at a bachelor party." Phil threw his fork down and growled a bit. I rubbed his shoulder and looked at soem old people near us.

"Sorry, he lost his job." I said, covering for him. The old lady put her hand over her heart and went back to her breakfast. Rolling my eyes, I turned back to Stu.

"Well to bad, cause this is all you get. Eat up, it's unlimited." said Stu, showing a fork full of pancakes and shoving them in his mouth with delight. I rolled my eyes and slumped back.

"Man, I actually thought you would have a fucking bachelor party. But, I guess not. This was a waste of time, Parker I'll be in the fucking car." Phil threw down his napkin and stormed out the door. I rolled my eyes and looked at Stu.

"You better fix this, immediatly." I said, getting up and taking off after Phil. I heared Stu groan, and I turned around to face him. "Fix it. And we're going to get Alan tomorrow, no matter what the fuck you say." And with that, I walked out to Phil. He was very...pissed.

* * *

><p>It was the day before we were leaving, and Stu finally decided to follow my advice and invite Alan. Thank God, one fucking idiot off my shoulders.<p>

"Okay, I'd be a bit careful. He was devistated when he found out about the wedding." said his mother, walking us to his room. Phil and I were hand-in-hand behind Stu and Doug. We reached a door that said 'Caution: Alan's Room. Do not enter' and I knew this was his room.

"Thank you." I said simply, nodding towards his mother. She smiled back as we opened the door.

"Hey buddy." said Doug, walking in before all of us. Alan looked up from his laptop and gave a sheepish smile.

"Hi guys." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He still had his same curly-ginger hair and scruffy beard. I smiled back at him.

"Pretty good Alan, what about you? Oh, shit. Are those the pictures from the camera?" I asked, being polite...but I think that's down the drain once you see those pictures.. Out of the side of my eye, I saw Phil roll his eyes. I pinched his arm for that.

"I'm alright. I heard your new album, it's pretty sweet. I like the title the best, and the King of Blackjack. And yeah, I wanted to keep them as a memory." I smirked at that.

Those pictures...not good. One of them was Phil with a girl's crotch in his face. Others were worse...but the funniest was Stu pulling out his tooth and my drunkenly smiling for the camera at the Big little chapel. I can't even go into it. But let's just say, I know that Phil and I did have sex in Sid's car.

"That song was written especially for you, Alan. And...alright." I replied, still smirking. Stu cleared his throat with annoyance.

"Why we're really here Parker." I rolled my eyes and Stu and motioned for him to continue. "Listen, Alan...I-I...eh...want you to come to my wedding." said Stu, struggling a bit on the words. Phil breathed out a held breath.

"Really? Cool!" he said, looking at a plate in front of him. "MOM! I'M DONE WITH MY FOOD." He screamed into an intercom, and his mother came rushing in five seconds later. She picked up his plate and ran out.

"Is that...Chow?" asked Phil, a bit skeptical. My eyes popped opne as I looked at where he was pointing.

"Yeah, I kept in contact. He's a cool guy once you get to know him." Alan was so...fucking stupid. Very fucking stupid.

"He's a criminal." said Doug matter-oh-factly, flashing a concerned look towards me. I shrugged.

"Okay...well anyways. Alan, do-do you accept?" asked Stu, speaking up. Alan looked at the four of us.

"Yes!" he said, grabbing a needle out of his mini fridge and shoving it into his leg. Stu began to freak out...again.

"Alan, what the fuck?" asked Phil, inching away slowly.

"I'm getting in my vacination. You know, disease control."

"Shouldn't you...I don't know...go to a hospital or something? Fuck Alan!" I exclaimed, staring at the knee he drove the needle into.

"I'm a trained nurse." he replied, being completely serious. Classic Alan.

"Alright, whatever. Listen...we're leaving tomorrow. Pack and meet us at the airport around 3ish." I said, waving and walking out. I knew it was rude, but I would have to deal with Phil in the car...so yeah. I can be as fucking rude as I want.

* * *

><p>"Phil are you fucking serious? You got tickets for <em>yesterday<em>?" I asked Phil, being completely incredulous. He checked them and groaned.

"Shit, I'm complaining." He sauntered up to the desk and began agruing with the receptionist.

"I don't even know how you love him." muttered Doug behind me. I smirked and turned around.

"A) he's my baby's daddy. B) I've always loved him. You know that. C) You said we're exactly alike. Your proof is there sir." I replied, counting off the points on my hand. He rolled his eyes.

"Just remember, I can still get that football player you dated in highschool before Phil to come and beat him up." I smirked.

"Tank's in prison with some dude named Steven, who happens to be a burn out. Besides, I don't give a fuck Doug. You're just going to have to live with it." He sighed and rubbed his face.

"I know, but it's just...you know Phil." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm working on it."

"Who's that?" asked Alan, pointing towards a kid walking towards us. I smiled up at him, Lauren's little brother Teddy. I liked him, he was cool. Although, Lauren was a complete bitch to me in the beginning.

"Teddy, Lauren's little brother." repied Stu, flipping through a book. Alan squinted his eyes in a glare as Teddy walked up to us and began to sit down next to Alan. He immediatly moved his bag in defense.

"Sorry. Wolfpack only." I rolled my eyes at Alan and moved his bag off the chair, patting the seat.

"Go head and sit Teddy. Alan just being himself." The kid smiled at me and pulled out his laptop, plugging himself into...whatever he was doing. Teddy was a genius, because he was only sixteen and was already in pre-med. I helped him with assignments sometimes...just because he was a good kid and he asked. Alan glared at me, his eyes fiaxted on me. I rolled mine and sat back down in my seat, flipping on my iPod and began to watch 'Wedding Crashers'. It made me wonder how this Sach Lodge dude looked so much like Phil...oh well.

Phil plucked out my ear buds and said, "Let's go, babe. We got the tickets, free." I smirked and nodded, taking his hand and getting onto the plane.


	14. CAMPFIRESONGsong

Chapter Two: C A M P F I R E S O N G song

* * *

><p>Finally! Bangkok, took long enough. It really wasn't a bad flight, partially because I slept the whole way on Phil's shoulder. Man, he was fucking comfortable for a teacher. Stu was getting married on a private island, so yeah. We had to take a speed boat to it, a fast as shit speed boat.<p>

"Jesus, look at this place. Better than Vegas." said Phil simply as we got off the boat, his arm draped around my shoulders. I smirked and nodded my head.

"Hell yeah! I'm in Bangkok bitch!" I screamed, quoting one of my all time favorite songs. My eyes wandered around the area, taking in the serene scene, until something caught my eye. "Oh no."

"Wh- Hah! Classic!" said Alan, pointing to exactly where I was looking. In all her glory stood Phil's ex-wife, Stephaine(okay I really don't know how to spell it, so here's my best guess! YAY!). Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! This...isn't good, terrible in fact. Fucking terrible.

"Can I go kick her, mommy?" asked Emily, being completely serious. I smirked and ruffled her long hair. It was bronze, like Phil's.

"No honey, you can't. But if she starts talking crap, maybe you can." I replied, winking at Phil and Doug as they smirked at Emily. They knew her fighting spirit, hey! It was mine! I wasn't known as the bully protector in high school for nothing. Although the nickname 'Twitch' never really processed in my mind. "Now go find Aunt Lauren so that she can show you your guys' room, okay?" Both Charlie and Emily nodded, walking off together in the direction of the resort.

"Just like you, Parker. Soon she might even pick up your lame-ass nickname." Phil commented, smirking. I noticed one of his fingers out of the corner of my eye, grabbed it, and bit down hard. "Ow! Jesus!" I smirked.

"Never mess with a used to be pregnant lady." I replied, walking victoriously over to the door.

* * *

><p>"Parker!" I heard a very familiar voice scream behind me, and that made me smile. Tracy Billings ran up to me, baby bump evident, and wrapped her arms around me in a large hug. I hugged her back, my arms barely reaching around her despite how long they are.<p>

"Hey Tracy, how's my little niece or nephew coming along?" I rubbed her stomach and stood in my knee length dress, it was a dark blue with some black parts of it. My shoes were a shiny silver, five inch heels to be exact. I was as tall as Phil in them, and he wasn't very happy with that.

She laughed and said, "Good, prettty good. Although I think this one will be a soccer player, keeps kicking me every five minutes. Didn't Doug play-" I smirked and nodded. "-well that makes so much sense. Oh, oh...duty calls, girly." I waved at her as she off the pavilion, hand on her stomach. Ah, I knew her pain, you had to pee every...five minutes or so?

"Bathroom?" asked Doug behind me, coming up and almost scaring me out of my skin. I nodded, still smiling.

"Remember how many times I had to go to the bathroom when I was pregnant with Em?" He smirked and nodded his head at my statement.

"Yeah, now I have another pregnant lady on my hands! Jesus, Phil got...oh wait, never mind. He had to deal with..._her_." We shivered at his statement, the twin instincts kicking in.

"Yes, I dealt with Steph when she was pregnant. Although, you were probably worse." Phil said, walking up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. Doug and I looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Probably. Hey...I really want to embarras Stu, what do you guys think?" Phil smirked, and so did Doug. He actually wanted to do this.

"What did you have in mind?" I smirked and turned around, cupping my hands over my mouth and copying a priceless joke from a priceless show.

"HEY STU!" I screamed, waving at him through the crowd. Everyone parted to see Stu, and me waving at him. "I LOVE YOU!" Phil smirked and started waving also.

"I LOVE YOU TOO!" he screamed, waving still.

"I LOVE YOU MORE!" screamed Alan behind us, being completely serious(okay I had too! If you watch That 70's show, you'll know where this comes from) and waving like a maniac. Stu blushed and rolled his eyes, while somehow glaring at all of us. Oh yeah, fun vacation for sure.

* * *

><p>"Hey everybody, here's some fun facts. The population in Thailand if 63 million people. It is twice the size of Wyoming. It's chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice. Each year, approximately 13,00 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. The climate in Thailand…" began Alan, doing yet another speech at yet another wedding. I sighed and shook my head, my hand having the urge to run through my newly done hair. No...can't...run...hand...through...Trace's...pregnany...hormones...UGH! Fuck Alan and his stupid speeches.<p>

"Alan, why don't you skip to the next card?" asked Phil quietly, eyeing me with a glare evident. I shrugged at him and smirked.

"None of you know Stu like I do. Not you," he pointed to some random person, "not you, not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this, this is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..." Phil stood up, and put his hand on Alan's shoulder.

"Time's up buddy." Alan looked bummed, but oblidged and sat down. Lauren's father stood up and smiled.

"I've known Stu for a while now, and I like to think of him like white rice. Plain and simple. Stu has...no flavor, and is very...bland(yeah, I forgot the whole white rice thing, so I'm making mine own). I never liked Stu, so I hope that for my daughter, he doesn't have the balls or sperm to give her kids. Long may they live." My mouth dropped open, hanging there for a while. My mouth wasn't even curling into a smile. This...was...fucking...serious.

* * *

><p>"Hey I'm going to change." I said as we walked out of the reception. Phil nodded and kissed my cheek.<p>

"Meet us outside, we're having a campfire." I nodded at him and smirked, hitting the button to the top floor. My mind was still racing like a tornado about what Lauren's dad said. That...ugh! I hate people like him.

The dinger dinged and the door's slid open, showing me a vast array of doors and a variety of Thai artwork. The whole thing was beautiful, but I'm not really concerned about that now. Running to our room, I opened the door and flew into it. My suitcase flipped open as I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, purple converse, and a blue/red/purple cordiroy button up. Throwing everything off my body, I threw my new clothes down and threw my hair down. Stumbling out the door, I accidently ran into Stephanie, who glared at me.

I smirked back and shut my door, not even bothering to take the stairs.

* * *

><p>"No, these marshmellows are for Teddy." said Alan as I walked up, taking a beer out of a pack and plopping down next to Phil.<p>

"I saw the happiest lady alive today. Hey Ted." I said, waving at the genius. He waved back and smiled.

"Good, you're here. Let's make a toast." said Phil, standing up over the fire and putting his glass up. "You did it buddy."

"TO STUEY!" I screamed, clinking my glass with Phil's.

We all clinked glasses, the yellow beet sloshing in the glasses.


	15. HOLLA! City of Squalla!

Chapter Three: Holla! City of Squalla!

"Phil, I'm scared." was all I heard before I woke up. Sun was shining through the blinds of my roo-wait. This wasn't my fucking room, it was an apartment. I rubbed my head and sat up, clothes falling down from me sitting up.

"What the hell?" I muttered, my hands finding a pair of sunglasses on the table. I groaned at stood up, glaring at Phil already through my tinted lenses.

"Okay, Parker, I'm warning you. You are not going to like this, but I've kind of always had a thing for girls with black hair. Just saying." My eyes went wide as Phil spoke, and I ran to the bathroom where Stu was sleeping. Phil followed me, and Alan followed Phil.

"Oh shit! My fucking hair is black!" My screams rang out so loud that it woke up Stu, causing him to groggily groan. That annoyed me.

"What's going on?" asked Stu, completely disoriented. I pulled away from my freak out to look at him, and I began to laugh. So hard, Phil had to hold me up so I wouldn't fall down.

"Okay, now this is gonna seem bad."

"What? Is it my teeth." I turned around in time to see Stu showing us his teeth. I laughed harder at his face. It had a tatoo, like Mike Tyson's but not even similar. Now Phil and Alan we chuckling lightly. Stu got up and looked in the mirror.

"IS THIS A REAL TATOO?" He screamed, rubbing his face to see if it would come off. Now I was busting a gut, and forgot about my black hair...for now. "Alan, what did you do? Did you roofie me?"

"I didn't do anything." he said simply, nervousness in his voice. I scratched my head and shrugged to myself. Not again...not now.

"Parker, is your hair black or am I just imaginging it." I glared his way.

"Oh it's black, and we're-HOLY SHIT!" I screamed as a monkey, that came out of no where, attacked us. It climbed up onto a pipe and smiled...SMILED?...and us.

"Aww...it's a monkey!" said Alan as he moved his arm up, and got the monkey on his arm. A small, note small, smirk appeared on my face.

"Okay, let's pull it together people. I'll go and call someone, try and find Teddy or Doug. You guys...look around to see if you can find anything." said Phil, walking out of the bathroom and into the room I woke up in. Shrugging, Alan walked outside and looked at a messy aray of blankets. Something was...poking out of them.

"What is that? What the hell is that?" asked Stu, completely altering my senses.

"Dude. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I mumbled settling down in a chair and breathing in heavily.

"I dunno. It looks like a peanut or something." Alan said as Phil came back out. The monkey went down on the...thing...and investigated it.

"Okay I just just found Teddy's finger in a-what the fuck is that?" he asked, standing over the thing. I groaned and shook my head. The monkey bit down on the thing and something jolted awaky.

"Oh my god! It's a fucking dick!" I exclaimed, a smile creeping across my face. A man, with a face full of clothes, stood up and groaned.

"What's up with this bitches? Why you be cramping my style?" said a voice. I recognized that voice.

"Oh...fuck." I groaned, closing my eyes hoping none of this was really. It really was happening again.

"Woah, woah, woah. Chow? What the fuck is he doing here?" asked Phil, completely stunned and as shocked as I was.

"He's my plus one." said Alan, smirking as Chow zipped his pants and pulled on a cordiroy shirt.

"We had a sick night, bitches." he said, laughing. "Mhaha."

"Haha." laughed Alan.

"HAHA!" laughed Chow.

"Hah." laughed Alan. I growled and stood up, stepping into all of it.

"What the fuck? Alan! He's a fucking criminal!" screamed Stu. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Okay, okay. Calm down guys. Chow, do you know where we are?" asked Phil as he rubbed my back. I leaned up against him and closed my eyes, trying to focus on getting away my major migrane.

"Bangkok, niggas." he said, walking over to the couch. We all followed. Phil and Chow sat on the couch, I sat on the arm of it, and Stu and Alan stood.

"Wait. We're in Bangkok?"

"Holla! City of Squalla!" he said, putting his hands up like he was holding a drink and cheered. I groaned.

"I knew I recognized this city." I mumbled, rubbing my face.

"Don't worry, niggas. I'll get you outta here-"

"-okay, good,good-" interuppted Phil.

"-lemme just have some crack first." Chow looked over at the table to find a drug crushing thingy that is also used for shoving it in your nose. Chow took some of the crack and smiled.

"There! Now let's-" He fainted. OH SHIT! I checked his pulse. None.

"Damnit." I muttered. "He's dead."

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><p><strong>Sorry for the late update! I've been on a quick vaca and have been working on my other stories! Don't quit reading, and more randomness to come. <strong>

**BTW, I will reveal the secret of her hair. Don't worry, more to come!**

**HASTA LUEGO!**

**~gleek2**


	16. Ice Box on the 15th floor

Chapter Four: Ice box on the 15th floor

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><p>When I pronounced Chow dead, everything went to hell. Stu started to freak out, screaming and rampaging through the apartment. Alan began to cry, an annoying, weaping sound come from bearded throat. Phil just sat back on the couch, shaking his head at the people we called our friends freaking out.<p>

"SHUT UP STU!" I growled. I coughed after that, my inability to speak making Phil speak for me.

"Alright! Honestly, she's right. I don't exactly want to be caught up here with a dead man and a bunch of crack and be stuck in Thai prison for the rest of my life! Do you want that?" said Phil, his hands running down his face. He seemed, tense. Like he'd been through a tough night. Yeah, we all have. "And Alan, stop crying! I'm gonna figure this out. Just let me think."

His eyes closed, then open and looked at something specific. I followed his line of sight, looking at a little sign in our room that would've helped if we'd seen it five minutes earlier.

It read: Ice Machine, 15th floor.

Perfect.

After that, we all worked at once. Phil and Stu wrapped the body in a random cloth they got off the bed, while Alan jumped around crazily looking for something to do. I went outside and counted how many floors we were up. We were on eight, damn. Six or seven floors to go.

Who knew if the Thai people thought the 13th floor on a hotel was bad luck? I sure as hell didn't, but I'm not ready to go and ask. Anyway, after they gathered the body of Chow, they hauled him out while I went on ahead, scouting for anyone looking at four people suspiciously carrying a lump that looked like a man up the stairs or on the elevator up to the 15th floor which happened to contain the ice box which could keep the dead smell away for a while. Not suspicious, right?

We carried the body all the way to the elevator, well Stu and Phil carried him while I scouted still and Alan tried to get the elevator to work.

"It's not working!" said Alan, pushing the button multiple times.

Stu breathed out. "THE STAIRS!"

We all nodded frantically, all four of us dragging to body up the stairs about seven flights. Eventually, we did reach that floor. And we locked his body in the ice machine, and all slid down while the monkey was on Phil's shoudler. I didn't even realize the little monkey was there. Phil and Stu conversed a bit, but I just ignored them. My head hurt as if a fucking hurricane was rampaging through there, or Mike Tyson gave me a nice swing in the head. Interesting how these things manage to happen.

"Where the hell is Teddy?" I asked, finally joining the conversation.

Phil sighed, placing his head into the side of my neck. "I dunno." he muttered, nuzzling into my neck.

My mind began to process, alot. The gears were spinning ladies and gentlemen, and I think I knew where this sixteen-year-old genius after my own heart was.

"THE ROOF!"

* * *

><p>AN:

Okay, ya'll I am so sorry I neglected this story for so long! My juices weren't flowing, and now that I'm off for a bit I'll keep writing. My schedule has been major busy, and I got the movie for christmas, so long nights of watching it will commence like I did for the first part! I'm sorry, again, and please enjoy the rest of the story. After this, I will make a part three, seperate story all together though!

Have an awesome holiday!

~gleek2


	17. Orange Soda Blows

I dont own the hangover!

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><p>Chapter Five: Orange Soda blows<p>

We went to the roof to look for Teddy. Stu was in total freak out mode! I mean, so was I, but seriously? He was acting like a fucking lunatic! Not only that, but everyone was seriously fucking pissing me off today. Maybe I'm on my period...or something. Who the hell knows?

"Teddy!" I screamed, heading in a different direction than the three boys. They were also screaming for the lost seventeen-year-old, frantic by the sounds of their voices. I, however, was trying to remain the only calm thing on this planet. Fuck it, we probably wouldn't find the boy in this...hell hole. "Damnit!"

Phil came up to me and wrapped his hands around my waist. "Couldn't find him?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me when I looked back at him. I nodded and sighed.

"Just worried." I replied, shaking my head. "This sucks because it's a fucking second time! Ugh!"

He nodded, agreeeing with me silently as Stu and Alan came up to us. They both had the same expression as us, which meant they hadn't found anything in their pockets either. Phil pulled away from me and went to the pillar near by.

"Alright, you all know the drill. Empty your pockets." said Phil as he began to check his. I check mine, rifling through the shirt pocket to find nothing in there. Next my jean pockets. Nothing in the front two, but something in the back left.

"I got nothing." said Phil, shaking his head. Stu and Alan agreed, then the three looked at me as I curiously looked in my back pocket. It was bulky and rectangular, almost like a cellphone or something. When I pulled it out, it ended up being a 'Thai-to-English' book with a bunch of writing on it. I noticed most of it was mine, some was Phil's, and some was some random handwriting I didn't recognize.

"What the hell?" I muttered, flipping through the book. In it were different locations in Thai. Of course, being me, I didn't feel like translating, but maybe it would be useful in the neear future. "Thai to English, really? I hate these books."

Phil shook his head. "Alright, lets go see if we can walk around and find something, shall we?"

**Thirty Minutes later...**

"Phil, we haven't found anything yet." I said matter-of-factly. We had just bought Alan his third orange Fanta in the last thirty minutes, along with a hat. I was more irritable than I was thrity minutes ago. Hormones were rushing through my body, so what the hell?

"I know that." replied Phil, trying to keep calm.

"I agree with Parks," said Stu, angrily, "all we've done is walk around Thailand for an hour and buy Alan orange soda!"

Alan scoffed. "Hey, it's Fanta!"

I rolled my eyes, hearing something from Phil's pocket. "Phil, the phone!"

"Well it really doesn't matter! It's not like we're gonna fucking find anything!" growled back Phil.

I rolled my eyes. "Phhhiiiiilllllll?"

He stil didn't pay attention and kept arguing with Stu. I rolled my eyes in a similar fashion to how I always do and tried to look for his phone. Back pocket, of course. I slipped it out of his pocket(he was too busy arguing after all), and picked up the phone.

"Parker, whatcha got?" I asked the caller, hoping it was Dougie.

"Parks! You're okay! Hey, I found Teddy." said Doug over the other end of the phone. We bothed sighed of relief at the same time, the twin timing working it's magic. "He's at a Thai jail."

"WHAT?! How the hell is he in jail?" I screeched, my stomach bubbling with anger.

How the hell did we manage to get a sixteen-year-old kid in jail? How the fucking hell did we manage?

"I don't know. I called asking around and someone mentioned a jail. He's in a local one and...damn I forgot the name! But it should be pretty easy to find if you look, kay?" He sounded scared and annoyed. Tracy was probably being pissy again.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes Doug, bye."

I didn't give him a chance to reply and hung up, sliding the phone in Phil's shirt pocket. He turned around from arguing with Stu and gave me a weird look. I gave it right back and smirked evilly at him.

"Teddy's in jail."


End file.
